Page 234 of Phoenix's Fire

I paused, those words tickling a memory I couldn't quite reach. "I don't know how."

He shrugged. "It's okay to not know things. That's why we try them out. Sometimes we mess up, but a good friend will tell us that without resenting it, right?"

"And you're a good friend?" I asked, needing him to confirm it.

Rymar nodded slowly. "I am. And you're a good friend to me. The way you made sure I was okay last night?" He let go of my arm and shifted his hand to cupmy cheek. "That was sweet." Then he turned my face a bit, looking me over. "Is your head throbbing as bad as mine?"

"Yeah."

"This is called a hangover," he explained. "And so you know, the next time you get drunk, I think you can do it on your own, because I do not like this part."

"It's the Devil’s tool."

His eyes jumped to meet mine. "I don't believe in your Devil. Or your God." Then he shrugged. "I have to take responsibility for my own mistakes."

"I don't know how. I think that's why I automatically go back to pushing you men away. It's what I was taught since I was a girl."

He nodded, accepting that. "Okay, I can see that, but this works better. You know, talking? And if it's embarrassing, you can talk to someone alone."

"Like in my room?" I asked.

"Or mine," he said. "Theirs? See, that's what I was trying to show you last night. You're safe alone with us. You get to make the call on what happens, and I don't care if that's proper, or expected, or even rude as fuck. Between me and you? No stupid rules, just friends. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, finally breathing a sigh of relief. "So I didn't mess up too badly?"

"Not at all," he promised. "But I had fun last night." He paused, pressing his lips together. "But it only happened because I said yes. Just like you said no earlier and nothing happened."

I nodded. "Okay?"

"Consent," he said. "That's what it's called, Ayla. It's how you know you can trust us, because if you say no, that means everything stops. Talking, touching, or anything else." Then he let go of me and stepped back. "And just becauseyousaid no doesn't mean you can't change your mind later. The same is true for saying yes. If you try something and hate it, you can stop." He ducked his head a bit. "Does that make sense?"

I jiggled my head quickly. "You're talking about... You know."

"Mhm," he agreed. "And that goes both ways. You can't just kiss someone without them being okay with it."

"Like the guy last night," I said. "I saw how you tensed up. Zasen tried to explain it, but it makes it easier when I can see what he means."

"Yeah," Rymar said. "I did because I didn't want to kiss him anymore. I changed my mind."

"Okay." I pulled in a breath, then pushed it out. "Rymar? Thank you. For being patient with me, I mean. I'm still a little embarrassed."

"Me too," he said. "I'm just trying very hard to pretend I'm not. Oh, and a hot bath will make you feel a lot better. The water is already heating. If you get that running, I'll bring you a glass of water and something for your head, okay?"

"Hey," I said when he turned to leave. "I'm sorry that guy was stupid. You're very nice, Rymar, and maybe other people don't think that's a good thing, but to me, it's the most important one."

He ducked his head. "Yeah. Thanks. Go start your bath." But as he walked away, his tail was twitching at the very tip.

So I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door, but my mind immediately jumped back to the blurry memories I still had. Alone, I dared to reach up and touch my lips where his mouth had been. Kissing definitely did not hurt, but the part afterwards wasn't as easy as I'd expected.

He'd still be kind to me. He was still my friend. I hadn't messed anything up last night, so all of this was okay. As I headed to the tub to turn on the water, I decided I'd definitely learned one thing from all of this.

These men were good ones. Very good ones. Somehow, all three of them made me so happy, and I felt like I was ready to burst with it. I'd kissed a man. A man had kissed me. They'd all called me pretty, and we were all still friends.

But Saveah had said we didn't have to be "just" friends.

Seventy-Three

Zasen