Page 200 of Phoenix's Fire

He ducked his head and chuckled. "Yeah. Me too. Have fun with your sister, Ayla."

Then he left, but the door was barely closed behind him before it opened again. I saw Rymar's hand on the doorknob, but Tamin rushed in. Saveah followed, saying something to Rymar before he closed the door again.

"Okay," she said once she was inside. "Tamin, go find Uncle Zasen and Uncle Kanik?"

I pointed to the back door. "They're outside with Holly."

"Holly!" Tamin squealed, running that way.

Saveah just chuckled, shaking her head at her son's foolishness. "And Kanik really doesn't mind watching Taris?" she asked, turning to show the bundle that was her daughter.

"Nope," I said. "The guys are excited about it. They also said I need some girl time."

"Ineed some girl time," Saveah assured me as she headed towards the back. "Give me a moment."

She'd brought her bag of baby things, and was carrying that when she headed out back, but didn't have either it or her children when she returned. Then we left. I was honestly a little excited about this, partly because I wanted to find the names of the women who'd been kidnapped by the Moles, but mostly because I'd never spent this much time alone with Saveah.

"Is it weird?" I asked once we were outside, heading to the library.

"Is what weird?"

"Leaving your children with someone else."

She laughed. "Yes and no. It was at first, but raising a child is a lot, Ayla. Babies are so needy because they can't do anything on their own. Tasult was there to help with Tamin, but it didn't take long before both of us were completely exhausted. They wake up in the middle of the night to be fed, need their diapers changed, and it's like there's never enough time to just rest."

"Oh," I said, because the wives didn't talk about such things.

Saveah nodded. "Yeah, I mean, I love it, but it's nice to have a break. Well, after about six weeks, those guys came over, sent me and Tasult to bed, and said they had the baby. Tamin, I mean. It took three of them to feed and change him that night,but they learned, we learned, and by the time Taris was born, they've been lifesavers for me trying to do this on my own."

"They've been lifesavers for me too," I said. "But men are confusing."

"How so?" she asked.

I walked a few more steps in silence, trying to find the right words. "Well, everything I was told down there is a lie up here. I get that, but then Zasen told me he had sex with Lessa, and then she told me he's good at it, and that I should try, but Zasen promised he won't kiss me again." I grunted, realizing that sounded all wrong. "But like Rymar said people only share money when they're together like Brielle and Jeera. Everyone in the house is sharing money now, but Rymar also said Kanik doesn't like him like that and Zasen is like his brother. So they aren't a couple. Couples?"

"Partners is the word you're looking for," she told me. "And a family is what you call it when a group of people are romantic together. Doesn't matter what order either."

I nodded. "But they're just my friends."

"Are they?" she asked.

"Theyaremy friends!" I insisted. "And that's okay up here."

"I meant the 'just' part," she clarified. "See, it's possible for someone to be a friend and more, Ayla, and that's allowed."

I nodded, thinking about it. "How do I know if I want more than friends?"

That made her push out a heavy breath. "Yeah, that's not an easy question." Then she hummed in thought. "I want to say you just know, but that doesn't help. Um, I think it's when you start thinking about touching them, or kissing them."

"I thought about kissing Zasen," I mumbled.

But Saveah sucked in an excited breath and jerked me to a stop. "What?"

"After the bear," I explained. "He hugged me, and he kept looking at my mouth, and I thought about how it didn't hurt when he kissed me."

"Just Zasen?"

I groaned and pulled away, walking towards the library. Saveah tossed her arms up, but hurried a few steps to catch up. She was also grinning at me as if she was enjoying herself.