Page 237 of Phoenix's Fire

Yeah, but I had a different theory. "Or those things have been pushed at her so hard, they're distasteful now." I paused to suck at the gap for my fang. "What Ayla wants is freedom. The thing that's been driving her this whole time is the hope that she can make her own decisions. It's driving her so hard, she picked up a gun and learned how to kill!" I swung my head between them, checking to make sure they were listening.

"And?" Rymar asked.

But it was Kanik who answered. "From the stories these girls tell, Ayla was the protector. She took the hits so Meri and Callah wouldn't, right?"

"I can see that," I agreed.

Kanik nodded, thinking as he spoke. "Down there, she couldn't fight back, but she wanted to. She picked the battles she could win. Now, we're giving her guns, training, and a dog!" He gestured to Holly, who wagged her tail, proving she was listening.

"Yeah?" I wasn't quite sure of his point yet.

"She fought for the right to decide," Kanik said. "And now, we're offering it up on a silver platter. She can be anything, wear anything, do anything, and go anywhere, right?"

"Uh-huh..." I still wasn't seeing the point yet.

"And she doesn't want that to stop," Rymar realized. "Fuck. Okay, that makes sense. Ayla has been chained her whole life. Kept in a cage. Whatever metaphor you want to use. Now she's free, so she's leery of anything that looks like it might be a trap, a cage, or a leash."

"Marriage," Kanik said. "Children. Things she can't run away from or destroy."

Which made Rymar huff out a laugh. "Okay, Zasen, I think we were wrong."

"About?" I asked.

He gestured to Kanik. "It seems our little warrior isn't going to end up with him."

"I thought I still had a chance!" Kanik said.

"No, listen," Rymar said. "We thought she'd go for monogamy. She's been so sheltered that anything else would terrify her, right? Dating multiple men? Feeling like she was being turned into an object? Never mind the thought of sex?" He shook his head at that. "Nope, to her, all of those are bad things, right? So oneman." He tipped his head at Kanik. "Who is gentle, kind, understanding..." His words trailed off and his eyes lost focus.

"What?" I asked, aware his mind had just taken off on a tangent of its own.

A wistful little smile flickered across his mouth as Rymar looked up at me. "I was feeling like shit last night. The whole Qavan thing."

"Went bad," I told Kanik, catching him up. "He turned into a dick and tried to treat Ry like a fuck toy."

"Asshole," Kanik grumbled.

"Yeah," Rymar breathed, but he didn't sound upset about it anymore. "But I asked Ayla what anyone would see in me." That silly look on his face grew into a full-blown smile. "She said I was kind, gentle, understanding, andnice."

"The same words you just used for me," Kanik said, nodding to show he understood. "The same things that made you think I had a chance with her, she thinks about you."

"And you like her," I pointed out.

"She's a friend," Rymar promised.

"Bullshit," Kanik snapped. "You don't get to give Zasen and me shit for liking her and try to take the high road. Sure, maybe she's a friend, but that's because it's all she feels safe being. And that's the thing. She needs to keep feeling safe," Kanik said.

"So stop avoiding it, Ry," I said.

He pushed out a heavy breath. "Fine. I feel comfortable with her. She's beautiful. She's..." He pulled in a breath and shook his head. "Ayla's just so damned pure - and I don't mean a virgin. I mean she is who she says, and she's not trying to be anything she's not. She's this amazing person who just keeps proving herself, so yes. I am impressed. I can't think of a single reason I wouldn't like her like that, but I'm also her friend, and I'm going to keep being her friend because she needs one."

"Same," Kanik said.

"And I'm going to make sure she knows how to say no," Rymar told us. "I want her to feel like she can refuse anything, and if someone tries to make her feel bad about it, I will destroy them." He looked at us in turn. "And I'm pretty sure I won't be alone."

"You won't," I agreed.

So he nodded slowly. "So yeah, I'll teach her how to say no, you can teach her how to say yes, Zasen. Deal?"