Page 281 of Phoenix's Fire

I gently washed the mud from his chest. "How did you meet him?"

That made a sorrowful smile touch his lips. "School."

"I had a crush on him," Rymar said as he walked into the bathroom carrying a bottle and three small glasses.

Holly trailed after him, clearly taking her job seriously, but when she saw me in the tub, she whined. Zasen lifted an arm to pet her, not caring that he soaked her head in the process. That made Rymar smile at her, but he didn't stop until he was sitting on the edge of the tub.

"Kanik always tried to act like he was just a nerd," Rymar went on.

I shook my head, not wanting to ask what that was, but Zasen saw. "Someone who worries about being smart instead of being socially acceptable. It's probably not a thing Moles do, Ry."

Rymar just waved that away as he poured from the bottle into the three glasses. "Kanik thought he wasn't the kind of boy anyone would find appealing," he said instead. "But I knew he had muscles hidden under those poorly-fitting clothes. He wasn't brightly colored, but I like dull women as much as vivid men. To me, Kanik was pretty, and he has such amazing lips." He passed Zasen the first glass. "Had." I got the next, and then he set the bottle beside us.

"Whiskey?" Zasen asked.

Rymar nodded, looking at me. "This will make it easy to forget, Ayla. It doesn't taste good, so swallow it fast."

But Zasen held his up. "To Kanik."

"To Kanik," Rymar agreed, tapping his.

So I mimicked them. "To Kanik," I whispered.

Then the men tossed the liquid back, so I did the same. It wasn't good. It burned, but hopefully it would also keep the pain far enough away for me to make sure these two were going to be okay.

Eighty-Eight

Ayla

Imanaged to get Zasen clean and into his room. Rymar helped a bit, carrying his bottle, so when Zasen sat on his bed, Rymar joined him. I was told there was a robe in the closet. While I put that on, they continued to drink, no longer caring about glasses. But when he offered me some, I waved it away.

The stuff was vile, but it wasn't that. I remembered the effects of alcohol, and the more they drank, the easier it was to get them to talk. Soon enough, Zasen shifted so he was lying stretched out instead of sitting. Propped up, he continued to drink. Beside him, Rymar focused on passing the bottle, but I kept the men telling stories.

Good stories. Happy memories. Right now, those were the things they needed. In a day, a week, or a month, these things would be what came into their minds when they heard his name. It would help - or at least I hoped it would.

What I didn't expect was for Rymar to recline beside Zasen. The men sat close, their shoulders touching, and somewhere along the way, both of their eyes closed. That was when I got up to remove the bottle from Rymar's hand. I set it on the table beside him. Then I nudged Zasen, convincing him to scoot down into a position that was more comfortable.

"Holly, guard," I ordered, patting the bed to get her to jump up and stay with them.

Right now, they needed her, and I would be okay. I was always okay. It was all I knew how to be, but while I'd gotten Zasen cleaned up, I couldn't say the same for myself. Making my way back to the bathroom, I finally got to wash my hair.

I held it together until I was clean, and then I simply leaned over my knees and gave in. The tears came so hard. Kanik. My dear, sweet Kanik. The man who'd taught me how to speak Vestrian! The one who'd been so patientwith me. I could still remember the way he'd looked at me when I'd told him touching was improper!

But I also remembered the sweet way he'd smiled when he'd told me he liked me. I'd thought I'd have time to figure that out, but now he wasgone!I'd never feel his hand on my ankle again. He wouldn't come out back to play with Holly anymore. His room upstairs would forever sit empty, a place I hadn't gained the courage to enter yet, but I'd wanted to.

Kanik. My mind jumped to his dark brown scales with all those black dots and freckles. The soft purple shade of his eyes, and the marks along the back of his neck. The way he'd taught me how to defend myself. The sound of his voice. The smell of him when he stepped out of a bath.

With no one looking, crying was easier. I didn't try to hold it back. I wanted to push it all out. To make the ache in my chest and throat go away. I wanted to purge myself of this pain without losing a single memory of him.

The Moles did this.

I knew that, but as I tilted my head back to gasp, struggling to catch a breath through the intensity of my mourning, my thoughts jumped back to the battle. I'd been hidden with Tobias and Sylis. Zasen had been out there too. It could be him next! I could be any of us. Jeera, Drozel, Omden, or Xav. Even me! And now they were going to eat him!

But that thought made everything stop.

The tears halted. My lungs remembered how to work. For a moment, I just sat there in the cooling water, breathing as I replayed the moment in the Mole camp. I'd stepped out of the tree, looked over the men I'd come to hate so fiercely, and I'd seen the carts.

I remembered greens, tans, and even reds. Some blue and grey. There had been browns in the pile of bodies, but none as dark as Kanik. No purple at all.