Page 244 of Phoenix's Fire

Then he started reading. Mine was the third on the list, seeing as how my last name started with an A. Many of the boys huffed out a "yes," when they were called. Others nodded proudly. Most of the girls paled or gripped their hands a little tighter.

This was it. We were now considered to have graduated, and Tobias wasn't even here to celebrate it with me. But confused looks were being traded around the room. Finally, Mr. Cassidy reached the end of his list.

"For the girls whose names I called, your weddings will be held on the Day of the Seven Trumpets. If your name was not called, your weddings will be held afterwards. We are spacing them out so as to not overcrowd the dining hall. And for all of our new graduates, let me be the first to congratulate you on becoming a man or a woman."

Politely, the students all clapped. Then we were excused - but only if our name had been called. Mr. Cassidy stood at the door, giving each of us a parting word and encouraging us girls to check our lists to be sure of our choices. Because of that, it seemed all of us made our way to the women's area.

I wasn't the first one in the room, nor the last. This was a large, open space meant for women's issues. Cloth scraps were kept at the side for the girls to practice our stitching on. No, theirs. As of today, I was now considered a woman. Not that anything had changed, but I needed to get my mind around the change in my status.

"My list changed!" someone gasped.

"They do that," I said.

Which made nine other heads turn to gape at me. "What, why?" Rebekka asked.

"Because men have announced a proposal or have been married. Because others have been found unable to serve as a husband. Usually, that means a hunter who was killed, but it could be a catastrophic accident. Sometimes, it's because he's too old. Mr. Ross and Mr. Danburn are no longer allowed to marry. If you look at Rebekka's list, I'm sure Tobias isn't on hers anymore."

Someone searched, running her finger down that page. "He's not," she confirmed.

So I flopped my hand at them as if that proved my point.

"But most of us haven't accepted proposals!" one of them whined.

"The widows are also required to be married. Some of them have been without a husband for more than three months. I'm sure they'll be married alongside us. That will take a few men from your lists."

"What am I supposed to do?" a girl begged. "These men are all old!"

"I wanted a handsome man," another said.

"At least a kind one," someone else added. "I could handle unappealing if he would just be kind."

I meandered over to the cloth scraps. All of this fabric was so thin as to be unusable for clothing. It had been worn by too many generations of people, but it worked for training girls how to sew. Other pieces were picked apart for the threads. Flashes of color were visible. I saw brighter shades like rust and greens. There was plenty of pink and blue.

But I wasn't really interested in the fabric. I just wanted to look busy as my mind spun. I was lucky. I was marrying a man who was actually my friend - and I still felt sick with worry. I kept wondering what I'd do if he was like Gideon, acting so sweet and caring before the wedding, only to care about nothing but fornication afterwards. Being willing to abuse me in order to get it! And with Tobias, if he held me down, there would be nothing at all I could do to stop him.

What I needed was to talk to the wives. Deenah would have some sage advice for me. Helah would find a way to at least make me feel like I wasn't alone. Felicity would lay it all out there without muddling the words by trying to be too delicate.

No, wait. That was exactly what I needed to do. All of us, actually.

So I clapped my hands the way Ms. Lawton often did. "Girls, we are going to the wives' laundry area to get some advice from the women who've been there before."

"We're not supposed to go there," one of them said.

I scoffed. "We're officially women now. That means it's exactly where we should be. It's also where we'll get the answers none of us have. So come. Looking at your list again and again won't make it change. Remember their names, and let's go ask about the men who carry them, hm?" I gestured to the door. "Better being useful than fretting."

Surprisingly, they actually listened! None of them told me I was overstepping. If anything, they were more than willing to let me make their decisions for them, but that made sense. We were all so lost and confused that it became easier to do what we were told than to figure out how to get around it all.

When we reached the women's area, I walked in first. "Excuse me, ladies?" I asked as I made my way into view. "We have all just graduated today, and we've come to ask for advice from those who've been here before."

"Stuck with a list of bad names and not sure what to do?" an older woman asked. I was sure she had to be over thirty.

I nodded. "Exactly. And the lists seem to be changing quickly."

"Callah!" Helah called, hurrying around the bodies to make her way over. "I thought you'd accepted Tobias Warren!"

"I did," I assured her, catching her hands to squeeze them in greeting once she was close enough. "But my friends here aren't that lucky. I thought maybe some of you would know the men they have to choose from."

"Come!" the older wife said, waving them in and exposing her rather pregnant body in the process. "Sit, girls."