Page 220 of Phoenix's Fire

I hurried to nod. "It does. I have to have this baby."

"Yes," she said, "you do. It's the safest thing for both of you. However, you do not need to keep or raise that child. You can give it up for adoption. That means another parent would claim it, raise it, and you could even choose to never see it again. To not tell it your name, where you came from, or anything. Or, you could give it up for adoption and be involved from the edges. To be like an aunt, I guess? You can also keep and raise the child until you're sure, then if you decide later that you can't do this, you can give it up then."

"Really?" I breathed.

She nodded slowly, watching me the whole time. "The decision isn't an easy one, and you've had very little time to consider it. However, there's the most common option, which is raising that baby yourself. Meri, in Lorsa, friends and family will help you. Jeera and I will step in as much or as little as you want. Ayla, Naomi, Saveah, and probably even Lessa. You can be a mother to that child on your own because you will never be forced to bealone."

"Oh," I breathed, leaning back in my chair as all of that began to sink in. "But I don't know what I want to do."

"I know," Brielle said. "And I know Lessa mentioned this to you a bit. She said you're worried about it, but you shouldn't be. No matter what you decide, it is the right choice foryou, and that means it will likely be the best choice for this child. Dragons see no shame in any of these. We may have our own opinions, like how I couldn't imagine certain choices. That doesn't mean those choices are wrong. It just means I have my own life, with my own opinions, and my own preferences."

I lifted the glass and took a much larger drink this time. I needed it to moisten my mouth. "What if I change my mind?"

"It would be cruel to give someone a child they've longed for and then take it away," Brielle said gently. "It's better to wait and be sure. For those of us who can't have children, we wait a very long time for the chance. To have that and then lose it? It's painful, so we recommend you take your time, keep the baby for a while if you want to try."

"Okay," I said. "But how will I know?"

She smiled down at the table. "I don't know, Meri. I think you need to listen to your heart and trust yourself."

"But I don't know myself," I pointed out.

"Yeah, and that makes it harder," she said. "But no matter what, you will not be doing this alone. I promised Ayla that I would take care of you, and I will. Both of you, in any way you need me to. It's what people up here do."

I glanced away, feeling a stinging in my eyes. "Thank you. I know that's not enough, but I mean it. You make all of this a lot less terrifying."

Sixty-Nine

Ayla

Aweek had blown by. Granted, that made sense; the weeks up here were shorter than I was used to. Still, when Saveah reminded me we were getting another girl's night, I'd been a bit surprised. But since Jerlis had given us the list of missing women's names, I had no reason to go back to the library. Instead, my sister wanted to take me out to dinner.

For the first time, I was going to pay.

I was a little proud of that. Our plan was to talk about what I should tell Callah over a relaxing meal. Saveah had a lot of ideas, but I wasn't sure how much Callah would understand. Plus Tobias only had so much room, which meant the letter couldn't be too thick. The names and descriptions had taken up three pages. Kanik was getting me a book as well. I wasn't sure how much more I could fit together and still fold small enough to fit in a man's pocket.

But since we were doing this over dinner, Saveah had suggested Rymar's place. Zasen said that was because Rymar never let any of us pay, so Saveah was trying to make it easy on me. I could still tip the servers, though. Considering I'd never actually bought anything before, I just wanted to make sure I knew how to use the money properly.

I also wanted to look good, so when Saveah showed up to drop off her kids, I was still busy fixing my hair. Tonight, I was going to be daring, so I'd picked my brown leather shirt. It was sleeveless and didn't quite come down to my waist. I was using the brown boots that matched, and I'd paired them with a knee-length white skirt. I thought the look was cute, and it reminded me of a more sedate version of clothes I'd seen worn in the market.

"Ayla!" Kanik called from the living room.

I closed my eyes and groaned, knowing he wanted me to yell back. I wastempted to, but by this point, it had become more amusing to refuse. Still, there was one way to let him know I was on my way.

"Holly, find Kanik," I told my dog.

She took off, rushing out of the room with excitement. I hurried to tie my last boot on and adjusted the length of the necklace that held my mother's signet ring and my own sign die. Finally, I stood in front of my mirror, making sure I looked the way I wanted. The clothes were both feminine and Dragon-like, so I was ready.

"I'm sorry!" I said as I jogged down the stairs to the first floor.

Kanik was petting Holly but paused, his entire body going still as he looked at me. Behind him, Saveah shoved her hand across her mouth and Tamin giggled.

"Kanik froze," the boy said.

"Yes, baby, he did," Saveah agreed. "I think Ayla startled him."

"Surprised," Kanik clarified as he pushed to his feet. "You look nice."

Which made me beam. "Thank you!"