Page 254 of Phoenix's Fire

"You slapped her," Kanik said.

"I thought she was hysterical!" Omden insisted. "I was trying to snap her out of it."

"I was convinced you were going to eat me!" Ayla told him. "You know, because the Moles said you would."

"Fucking Moles," Lessa said.

But none of that had anything to do with me, so I slipped across the circle of conversation to Naomi's side. As the rest continued talking about something I knew nothing about, I reached up to touch her arm, getting Naomi's attention.

"I really can help."

She turned to face me. "During the afternoon, we'll likely have a lot of minor injuries. Broken bones from children trying to play in places they shouldn't, accidents from getting into hiding places, and things like that. But when the militia comes back, there could be a lot of injuries all at once."

I nodded. "When the hunters returned, they all came at once. We had to triage who was the most injured, then get them to the proper healer. Ayla was good with arrows, and Mrs. Worthington was good with bleeding. Things like that. I can also sew minor injuries, and I know how to wrap a wound."

"I was worried about her getting stung," Brielle said, joining our conversation. "If someone's hurt badly enough, they could sting her by accident."

"And some of these Dragons are carried to us only partially conscious," Naomi said.

"I believe that," I assured her, "But Ayla's going to fight, and Saveah is going to watch the children, and I really don't want to do that." I glanced back, checking to see if Ayla was paying attention. She wasn't, so I told Naomi, "I want to make my own decision about if I'm keeping this baby, not feel like it's the right thing to do, or expected, or anything like that."

"We talked to her about adoption," Brielle explained. "Well, about everything, but most of the options don't apply anymore."

Naomi was simply watching me. I almost felt like she was judging me. Once, her eyes jumped over to where the rest were still talking, but they returned to me only a second later.

"Do you heal as well as Ayla?"

"No, ma'am," I said. "Ayla's stitches are smaller and better than mine. I'm good at bandaging, though. She knows all the organs in the body, where I don't, but I do know what's bad and what can wait. I know triage, and how to get supplies, and when a healer is too tired and needs to be replaced."

"You'll be safer with Lessa," Brielle insisted.

Which made me huff in frustration. "I am tired of being safe, and useless, and coddled! I am sick of making everyone stop what they are doing to help me. In the compound, I was expected to do it all on my own, and I did! I changed my clothes to fit my belly. I checked my own body to make sure the child was moving. I also cleaned, and washed, and took care of a husband! I'm not useless, Brielle. I'm not weak, or feeble, or a burden to my friends, and you are a friend. I might not be able to kill like Ayla does, and I really don't want to be forced to watch the babies!"

"And you don't want to sit and relax while everyone else is helping," Naomi said.

"But - " Brielle tried.

Naomi just lifted a hand. "Bri, I know you're trying to help her, but Meri's a smart woman. You also didn't see Ayla after that first battle. She didn't panic, she didn't lash out, and she certainly didn't wilt from the horrors that were shoved into her face." Naomi smiled at me. "My only concern is that you women don't understand your own limits because you were never allowed to set them."

"That's what I'm saying," Brielle insisted. "Naomi, she's high-risk."

"Less now than when she came to us," Naomi said. "So Meri, can you make me a promise and keep it?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I would think that depends on the promise."

Naomi nodded at that. "If I let you help in the hospital, will you be happy sitting behind a desk, triaging patients and sending their paperwork to the doctor that will be treating them? Not healing them yourself, but taking a task off their shoulders so our nurses can focus on their jobs?"

I nodded. "Yes! I could do that."

"And if you get tired," she said, "you will take breaks. If you have any complications, you'll tell me, right?"

"I can promise that," I assured her. "But I'm trying to understand who I am and who I want to be. It's not easy to do while sitting on a chair and simply thinking. I need to see it. Todoit."

Naomi nodded. "That makes sense."

"Jeera!" Brielle yelled. "Your mother's going to let Meri volunteer at the hospital!"

"What?" Jeera asked, pulling away to join us.