Page 68 of For the Fans

The key is forcing yourself to focus on other things. The more uncomfortable you are with the thing you’re avoiding, the more you’ll need to immerse yourself in the distraction.

I think that’s why I’ve always been so good at school. It’s not that I necessarily care about the subjects… Math, science, history… None of it is particularlytitillatingto me. But it’s something to fixate on; somethingelseto get lost in, like the dirt and the shovel used to bury the thing you don’t want clawing its way to the surface.

The curriculum for undergrad business studies is pretty involved, and it’s good. A lot of my teammates struggle to balance schoolwork and football, what with our rigorous training, game schedules, and how often we have to travel. Butfor them, sports and partying are their primary focuses, and forme… well, that’s just not enough.

I fill in the gaps with my studies, because I have to.

Keep the mind distracted at all times. Never, ever stop to think. Because thinking isbad.

Thinking leads to remembering… And remembering is the enemy.

The way the light is hitting my books on the coffee table strikes an idea, for another one of my favorite distractions. And I pick up my phone, snapping a picture to post on Instagram.

Knowledge is the antidote to fear.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

#BC #collegelife

Posted, I stare at the screen for a moment as likes start rolling in. My eyes flit to the top, and the notification for unread texts twists my gut.

Tossing my phone down on the table, I go back to my book.Distraction.

My eyes scan the words on the page, not retaining any of them as they all start to blur together. Because that’s the thing about distraction… if the truth is powerful enough, it’llalwaysmanage to shove a hand up through the dirt.

“Harbor!” Guty shouts as he whips open the door with his arms full. “You’ve got mail, baby boy.”

Kicking it shut behind him, he drops bags on the counter, making a ton of noise as he rustles through a bunch of stuff he apparently bought at the store. I can’t help the grin that tugs at my lips while I sigh and stand up, stretching through the soreness from a vigorous morning workout, followed by sitting on the couch for way too long.

“What, did you buy the whole store?” I chuckle, walking over to see what he’s doing.

“GNC was having a sale on that protein powder we like,” he says, removing large tubs from the shopping bags. “We’ve got supplements, potassium chews… All the good stuff.”

My brow cocks. “Did you buy anyactualfood?”

He grins and pulls out a giant pack of beef jerky.

I have to laugh. Guty is a freaking character. He’s loud and crazy, and one of the best football players I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing alongside. He also can’t sit still, ever, which is convenient for him because he’s one of those guys wholovesworking out.

We’re pretty much best friends, but we’re also both insanely competitive, meaning when we work out together, we usually end up almost killing ourselves. His ongoing joke is that he has the best body on the team.But that’s never been proven.

“You know you can’tonlyconsume protein, right?” I smirk, and he beams one of his Colgate smiles at me.

“There’s kale salad in the mini fridge,” he mutters, tapping his finger on an envelope he dropped on the counter. “This is yours. It’s from the housing office.”

All traces of amusement fall from my face as I snatch up the envelope, holding my breath while I tear into it. I can feel Guty watching me, so I turn away to read what it says.

It’s a bill for next semester’s housing.Eight thousand seven hundred and eighty-two dollars.

Forfivefuckingmonths.

This is America.

Closing my eyes, I remember to breathe, pulling in a long one and holding it as I scrape a palm over my face. I knew this was coming… I can’t be too shocked over it, but still. Seeing that number in print is pretty staggering.

The enclosed letter is full of stuff I already know, explaining the fact that my scholarship doesn’t cover housing. I’ll need to make my first payment by next month in order to stay in theWalsh residence hall. They offer a payment plan, which is still over two-grand a month. And that’s just to get me through sophomore year.

Junior year will come with a much bigger bill.