Page 169 of For the Fans

He doesn’t speak. He just stares at me like he wants so badly to say something, but he can’t figure out how to make his mouth work.

Finally, he asks, “Do you have plans?”

I clear my throat. “Frankie’s having a party…” He nods, running his fingers over mine. I wish I could be as unaffected as he is, to spare myself from the inevitable heartache. But unlike him, I can’t stop my lips from whispering, “You should come over after.”

His fingers slowly thread with mine. “What if I came over before midnight…?”

My eyes spring to his, eyebrow arching. “Wouldn’t that look sort of… suspicious? Leaving a New Year’s party at your own dorm before midnight…”

He shrugs, playing with my fingers. “But what if the person I want to kiss at midnight is somewhere else…?”

Staring into his eyes, I’m lost for a moment in the blurred spots of mossy green that blend into the amber. They’re like a palette of paint I could dab a brush into, and make a special color just for him.

My chin bobs in a captivated nod. “Then I think you should leave the party… and go find that person.”

He smiles, leaning in closer to tease my lips with his. “So then it’s a date.”

“’Kay…” I whisper, forcing my voice to sound even.

But inside me, there’s an earthquake happening. Ground shaking, rocking my foundation with all this stuff I’m afraid to process.

This stuff I can’t ignore anymore.

Fuck the money… This isn’t about the fans.

Backwardz_Capis officially smitten… and fuckingterrifiedof what that means.

Andy_Amo: Backwardz_Cap + Not_Your_Baby I wanna be saved so bad I almost prayed, can you boys be my new religion?

Slave4U69: Hey @Backwardz_Cap I got a Twizzler 4 U!

theSenator: Watching you two makes the difficult days a little more manageable

Extricating myself from Frankie’s New Year’s Eve party proved more difficult than I’d expected.

It was a very fun party, as they tend to be, and all of our friends were there. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to slip out before the countdown to midnight, which is why I’d planned to make an undetected exit.

I would cause a distraction, and while everyone was focused on that, I’d slink out the door and rush back to my dorm to meet Kyran so we could kiss at midnight.

Because really, that’s what this whole thing is about, right? That’s why he wanted to come over before midnight… So we could do what we wouldn’t be able to do in front of people at either of our respective parties.

I’m starting to wonder if it would even be so bad. I’ve certainly never given a shit what people think about me…Sowhat if they see me kissing my stepbrother?? Is it really that big of a deal?

What if we have feelings for each other? Are we expected to just push them away and forget about them because society might find it a little strange?

The thing is that I would be willing to take that kind of heat from people for Kyran. At this juncture in our bizarre, befuddling little relationship, I’m coming to terms with the idea of disappointing and weirding people out for him, because I care more about the way it feels to be with him than a million scoffs and eyerolls.

But I don’t think Kyran is in the same spot, and that’s been chomping away at pieces of my heart for the past twenty-four hours like some sadistic flesh-eating bacteria.

Kyran is confused about his sexuality. Add to that the fact that he’s in the spotlight, being the quarterback of a football team poised to bring home a major championship this year, who will no doubt be scouted by the NFL next season, I’m not sure coming out as a guy who’s having a relationship with his stepbrother is something he’s jumping at the chance to do anytime soon.

It kind of sucks, but this is the predicament we find ourselves in. So these little moments, like sneaking away to kiss at midnight, are becoming more and more important.

A half-hour ago, I challenged Micah to do a shot out of Frankie’s bellybutton, which I thought would serve as the perfect distraction to rile everyone up, keeping all attention on the two of them for long enough for me to slip out.

And it was actually working. Until Zeb spotted me, that loud-mouthed lush, and hollered, “Hey, Avi, where you goin’?!”

I paused with my hand on the doorknob, eyes squeezing shut as all the excitement deflated from my body.So close.