Page 241 of For the Fans

Don’t shut me out, Kyran. Let me love you the way I’m supposed to.

I guess I managed to fall asleep for a few hours, because when I reopen my eyes, we’re landing at Logan Airport. The literal second the captain announces that we can turn our phones backon, I’m switching mine out of airplane mode andprayingfor a response from Kyran.

There isn’t one… But itdoesappear that he’s read my texts.

I swear to God, it feels like there’s a Mack truck parked on my chest.

Guty elbows me. “Hey… So, um… I got a text from Ky…”

He tilts his phone so I can read the message.

Nueve: Hey bro… I’m really sorry I dipped out without a word. I just have some stuff going on. But I wanted to let you know before you get back and think I abandoned you… I moved my stuff out of the dorm. I’m leaving school… at least for a few weeks. I need to take some time to deal with my personal shit. Just know that I love you like a brother, man. You’re my best friend in the whole world, Samson, I really mean that. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Take care of that trophy for me, long-shot.

The seatbelt around my waist feels like it’s cutting off circulation. Inside the cabin is closing in on me, and I’m choking for air, suffocating.

He left school…?

Moved out of the dorm?

Why would he do that?? What happened, for fuck’s sake?!

Is this all because I found out his secret?? Jesus fucking Christ, if I knew it would make him leave me, I never would’ve even asked Bridget! I would’ve just left it alone and let him deal with it his way, instead of pressing for information and driving him like a high-speed chase right out of my life.

Fuck this… I can’t do this.

I can’t handle this.

The first person I give my heart to, and he runs off with it like a thief in the night.

Guty rubs my back, but I barely feel it. I’m just digging my fingers into my eyes until there are spots in my vision. Partlybecause I feel a hefty migraine coming on, but also because I don’t want him to see that I might burst into tears.

“Do you want me to… tell him anything?” Guty asks softly. “From you?”

Yea, tell him this is bullshit. That I don’t get it… That I don’t understand why he needs to go—again—when I was fuckingbegginghim to stay. Again.

Ask him if he really loves me, then why is he ripping my fucking heart out of my chest??

Of course, I don’t say any of that. I just give my head a somber shake.

Because if Kyran doesn’t want to speak to me, doesn’t want to respond and explain this shit tome, then I guess there’s nothing left to say.

Once we’re off the plane, I say goodbye to Guty and Theo, ignoring the pitying looks on their faces. I’m outside waiting for my Uber when my phone rings. And naturally, my heart leaps up against my tonsils for a second until I see that it’s my mom.

“Hey, Mom,” I mumble, pulling my hoodie tighter around me.Going from seventy-five degrees to fifteen is a nice shock to accompany the rest.“I just got off the plane… I was gonna call you—”

“Aviel, what is going on??” she barks, sounding worried.

And nowI’meven more worried.

Oh jeez… Did she hear about Kyran and me kissing from someone?? I totally forgot about all that…

“What… what do you mean?” I play dumb, waving down my Uber driver as he pulls up along the curb.

“Kyran just came to the house and dropped off a bunch of his stuff,” she huffs. “He said he’s taking a break from school for some personal reasons, and he wouldn’t tell me what they were.”

My head is spinning as I get into the car, clutching my bag on my lap, a spike in adrenaline causing me to tell the driver, “Hey,is it okay if I change the destination to 538 Summer Street in Somerville? I’ll pay you cash for the difference.”

The driver nods, fiddling with the navigation on his phone.