Page 173 of For the Fans

“You like that, baby?” I crowd him, and he hums.

“Don’t tell the fans. They’ll start sending us whips and paddles.”

I laugh, feeling the water to make sure it’s warm enough. Then I hop in, taking his hand in mine and bringing him in behind me. The shower isn’t big—smaller than the one at home—so we pretty much have to stand with our bodies pressed together in order to both be under the water at the same time.

But you won’t find me complaining.I might never shower alone again.

Squirting out some of my body wash into my hands, I lather up and run them over his muscles,lovingthe feel of him beneath my fingers. He watches me while I wash him, blinking droplets of water from his lashes that tumble down his puffy lips.

It’s an image that will be seared in my mind for a very,verylong time.

I savor the act of caressing soap onto every inch of him, taking my time like I didn’t get to when we last showered together; touching his shoulders and arms, down his perfectly sculpted chest and abs. His big, beautiful dick gets much more attention from my fingers, before I move on to his legs and feet. Then I spin him and do his back, unable to keep from purring while I clean his ass.

His head drops back to rest on my shoulder, panting breaths echoing inside the small enclosure. When the soap rinses off, I just have to kiss his neck and his shoulders, running my fingers through his wet hair.

“You feel… so good,” he breathes. “I’ve never been touched the way you touch me, Avi.”

“I’ve never touched anyone the way I touch you…” I confess to him in a whisper, awed by how it feels to have my hands on him in a way that isn’t building to sex.

He turns slowly, taking the bottle. “My turn?”

I nod timidly, watching him as he does what he wants with me, washing my body with cherishing fingers, cleaning every aching muscle, every burn of chafed skin. I can’t stop staring at the way he’s examining me, wondrous gaze traveling the same route as his hands.

“This is… too good, Kyran.” My eyes fall shut when he presses his wet chest to mine, fingers running up my sides.Too good to be true…

“Is there such a thing astoogood?” he breathes.

Yes…I think there is such a thing astoo good.

Because no matter how high your soul soars, the fear of heartache always waits for you back down on the ground.

“I don’t know…” I grasp his jaw and bring his mouth quickly to mine, kissing him impatiently while I can, because I’m sodamnscaredthis heat will run cold. “This is different, baby,” I hum in between frantic kisses. “Tell me it’s different for you too…”

He nods fast while our lips chase the high. “It’s different. Itis.”

“What does it mean?” I hate the desperation in my tone.

I don’t want to be the one freaking out over this, but I am. I’m teetering, not knowing where he stands. Not knowing if this will last… Not knowing fuckinganythingother than how I feel about him, which is so spectacularly inconvenient it makes me shiver down to my bones even while standing under hot water.

“I don’t… I don’t know.” His voice shakes a little, and it kills me, because I don’t want him to be afraid.

We can’tbothbe afraid… it’ll never work. I want him to know for both of us, but I just don’t think he does.

It sucks.

“I wish I had answers, Avi, but I’m completely fucked up here…” he whispers.

“Do you want to stay?” I ask quietly.

He nods.

And the looming question fights its way up my throat. “Would you still want to… if someone knew you were here?”

Kyran seals himself to me, hands gripping my back as his forehead drops to mine. “I… I think so.”

My chest opens up like a bloom for him.

I think so…