Page 231 of For the Fans

“Kyran,” he hums, and I blink hard. “Talk to me. Just tell me you’re okay…”

“Stop treating me different,” I whimper with tears threatening to push out of my eye sockets. “Stop… looking at me. I don’t want you to see how broken I am…”

“You arenotbroken.” He shifts on top of me, his movements almost panicked with how badly he’s trying to prove this to me. “You are the most badass person I’ve ever met. Are you kidding me?? You just won the fucking Rose Bowl.Youdid, Kyran Harbor. You just came out in front of your entire team, like a boss. No fucks to give. If you’re broken, then we should all be so fucking broken, because goddamn, Kyran… you’re incredible.”

My heart is jumping like crazy. I want to believe what he’s saying… Iwantto.

But now that I know he knows, it’s likeeverythinghas changed. I can’t stop feeling like he’s coddling me now, and Ihateit.

This is my curse, my infinite burden that fucking scumbag saddled me with. As if it wasn’t enough… What he did to me. And now I have to walk around like this for the rest of my life, either holding in the truth, or worrying that the people who know will look at me like a victim.

I don’t know what to do, so I nod slowly, swallowing and swallowing like I’m afraid I might throw up.

“Babe… are you here with me?” Avi whispers, brushing his fingers through my hair.

I nod again. But I can’t speak.

“I love you,” he breathes, sealing himself to me with his lips in my ear.

Our chests bump together, and it moves my dick, reminding me of how badly I wanted to be naked with him before my stupid fucking past popped up to ruin it all.

Avi’s tongue grazes my earlobe, and then he sucks it between his lips, humming as his erection drags on mine through our pants.

“Tell me what you want right now…” He writhes into me. “Anything in the fucking world, and I’ll do it for you, gorgeous.”

Can you turn back time, Aviel??

I’m so fucking torn up. Part of me is devastated, but the other part just wants that luscious sex only he gives me… so badly I can’t even think.

“Can we… go into the bed?” I ask, forcing myself past it, fighting to ignore the truth hanging over us like a raincloud.

He nods, and slides off of me, taking me by the hand. He pulls me to stand, walking us over to the bedroom of his hotel suite, only letting go to shove his pants down his legs.

Crawling into the bed, he kneels, in nothing but his black boxer briefs, looking so fucking sexy, my dick is pushing against the front of my dress slacks. Avi slides his tongue over his full, pink bottom lip, watching me tentatively step closer until I’m at the edge of the bed. Then his fingers slowly push my already unbuttoned pants down over my ass, marveling at the jockstrap I’m wearing… The gift he gave me for Christmakkah.

I can’t even enjoy it… because I’m too up in my head.

I sniff, swallowing back the emotion and the doubt, working up the strength to ask him, “What did Bridget tell you… exactly?”

Avi’s face springs up to mine, giving me a nervous look while I remove my shoes, then step out of my pants.

“Babe, we don’t have to do this…” he says calmly.

My teeth grind together. “Just say it, Avi.Saythe fucking words.”

Avi looks like an Avi I don’t know. Sad, angry, uncomfortable… So many things that aren’t the Avi I fell in love with, and it’s destroying me.Idid this to him.

I ruined him with my truth.

The mound is his throat bobs before he murmurs, “She told me about the time she found you in the bathroom when you were twelve…”

My brows zip together, and I swallow a whimper. I canseethat day… I can still see it, as if it just happened five minutes ago.

I’d gone through that entire morning and afternoon in a fog. My body was achy in different places, but I barely even noticed it because I felt numb. Like a lifeless husk shuffling through the day.

We’d packed up and left camp, and my friend Rob’s mom gave me a ride home. I went upstairs, stripped down, and immediately went into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stared at myself in the mirror for minutes. But I didn’t recognize myself.

This isn’t you…