Page 215 of For the Fans

And my truth is a stone thrown.

So I straighten and rest my hands on Avi’s chest, pulling the mask securely back into place. “I’m fine, baby. I’m just stressed about the game.” His brows knit together, but I ignore it and press a kiss on his frown. “Come on. Let’s get back.”

Avi’s lips part, but before he can speak, a man bursts into the restroom, stomping over to the urinals. He pauses, giving Avi and me a sharp look before turning and going onto one of the stalls instead.

Avi’s gaze narrows in the guy’s direction, jaw visibly ticking with an obvious thought.

Homophobe.

“Don’t worry, we’re not interested in your shriveled old dick,” Avi calls out, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me along, out of the men’s room.

A strained laugh leaves my lips, and Avi peeks at me, showing me one of his cocky smiles.

I love this man… I really do.

I just wish it wasn’t buried under a hundred thick layers of complication.

erthfairyy: Can I just say how beautiful you both are? You’re fucking gorgeous. I’d let you both eat crackers in bed. *And then crack me in half*

Sincerely,

NotYourBabys_Daddy

Ipicked the absoluteworsttime to quit smoking.

After Kyran admitted his feelings for me, I decided it was time. I don’t want to dull my senses anymore… I want to experience every single second of being in love with him. Because I’ve never been in love before, and being in it with Kyran Harbor is like going on a tour of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. You want to be fully present so you don’t miss out on any of the wonder…

But you also need to be on your best behavior. Because there’s a mercurial weirdo with you every step of the way, who won’t warn you if you’re about to get zapped into a television set or turn into a giant blueberry.

Over the years, I’ve relied heavily on smoking mass amounts of weed in order to combat my anxiety. Turns out, I wasnumbing myself so much, I wasn’t even sure if I could feelanything.

But the thing I’ve come to realize is… some anxiety is good. It’snormal. You’re supposed to feel things. We’re made to feel all emotions, goodandbad. And I guess it took falling for Kyran to realize I don’t mind feeling the bad sometimes, if it means I get to truly bask in the glory of the good.

I was proud of myself for this revelation. Until right now… sitting in Rose Bowl Stadium with my knee bouncing like Tigger on speed, wondering if there’s any chance the smog I’m inhaling could have trace amounts of THC in it.

Weed’s been legal here for a while… It’s possible.

I think you get the picture. I’m stressed.

This game is fucking huge. I mean…gargantuan. Televised all over the country. NFL scouts are here. Not to mention, I’m sitting in an entire section of our players’ families and friends, next to Kyran’s estranged sister, who I’ve known for less than twenty-four hours.

Bridget is a very sweet girl.Okay, maybe notsweet. But she’s cool as shit, super nice, and it’s clear how much she loves Kyran.

Yet there’s something about being in her presence that triggers something in Kyran… Something I’ve only ever seen happen to him around one other person… his father.

Sure, there are differences in the interactions. Kyran doesn’t get along with his dad at all, but he loves Bridget to death. In fact, it seems to me like they both can’t stand Tom, and I just can’t figure out why.

Tom’s not perfect… We know this. He’s uptight and judgmental, and he’s certainly gotten less fun over the years. But still, I don’t know that this would warrant the kind of obvious disdain Bridget has for him, or the way Kyran has always walked on eggshells around him.

I remember Christmakkah Eve, when Kyran told me he felt likehewas the one who broke up their family. He said it with such certainty… as if there’s any possible way a twelve-year-old could be responsible for his parents splitting up. I know it can be common for kids to blame themselves for divorce… But I always thought once you grow up, you figure out that it isn’t true.

Kyranstillfeels that way. He’s still wearing this burden he’s been carrying around since he was a kid, and it’s the same pressure that’s turned him into an epic control-freak. His need to portray this perfect image… I can only imagine how exhausting it must be.

And then there’s the Bridget factor.

Last night at dinner, she said she was happy that Kyran couldfinally feel comfortable enough with who he isto be with someone. As if perhaps she’s known for quite some time that Kyran is gay…

And her saying that launched him into this whirl of panic that really freaked me out for a second.