Page 155 of For the Fans

This thing with us is complex and confusing and fucked up beyond belief, but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that last night was the kind of night you have with someone you’re about to fall for… And I had it with my stepbrother; aguy.

None of this is supposed to be happening… And I’m scared to death of what it all means. But at what point do you stop fighting things that light you up inside like the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center?

Avi’s been telling me all along to stop fighting what feels good. And the whole time, I brushed off his words, because he doesn’t know the real story. The real reason why this image I’ve created for myself is so important.

But at the same time, I’m finally beginning to recognize this for what it is…Good.

No matter how complicated it is, it feelsamazing,the things we do together. Before last night, I thought it was just the sex that stirred up every desire that’s been hidden inside me, buried beneath layers of denial and self-preservation. But now, I know the physical part was just the beginning…

Somewhere along the lines, the hate fizzled out, and something new sprouted up in its place.Affection… Fondness… Attachment?

I don’t get it, but now, when I’m peeking at him from around the shower curtain, watching him gargle mouthwash and tie his messy hair back in a tiny half-bun, I don’t see my stepbrother who pisses me off to no end. I don’t even see my reluctantbusiness partner I’ve been forced to interact with in order to stay in school.

I just seeAvi.

The guy who’s seen parts of me no one else has. The guy who never stops smiling at me, no matter how mean I am to him.

The guy with snowflakes on his eyelashes, who brought me my coat last night.

That guy wouldn’t be doing all of that just for money… Would he?

“Are you about done?” he rumbles, and I flinch away to pretend like I wasn’t just staring at him.

“Uh…” I can’t even form words.

I’m too busy tangling up in a mess of emotional weeds.

“Alright, that’s it.” He whips the shower curtain back and climbs into the shower.

His big body is crowding me, and I back up against the wall while he grabs the body wash and begins lathering himself up.

If I was looking for a distraction from my state of confusion, here it is. Avi’s soapy muscles, suds slipping down their tanned slopes.

“If you don’t want me to bend you over right now, you’re gonna have to stop looking at me like that,” he murmurs.

Blinking at him while droplets of water tumble over his full lips, I stand still, shivering as blood pumps rapidly to my aching cock. Avi’s eyes fall to it, then back up to mine. And he lets out a ragged breath.

“Turn around,” he whispers, hoarse and commanding. And now my ass is literally clenching in need. “We’re gonna have to make this quick… and quiet.”

Nodding, I turn around and plant my hands on the wall. I don’t care about anything right now other than getting him back inside me. I’m officially addicted to this new distraction from thechaos, which feelsoh-so much betterthan the denying myself I used to run with.

Avi moves up behind me, his dick immediately jamming me in the ass. I gasp and he hums, running his hands up my wet sides, sealing himself to my back and decorating my shoulders with soft kisses. I can feel his arm moving as he strokes his cock, then his fingers swirl around on my hole, making it slippery with something… Maybe conditioner? Who even knows… Whocares, I just need him inside me before I die.

“Are you open and ready for me, baby?” he whispers in my ear, tracing a line up my neck with his tongue.

My face slants to glare at him over my shoulder. “Are you calling me loose??”

He laughs with his lips on my shoulder. “No… I would never call youloose, Kyran. I’m just making sure you’re relaxed.” He stuffs a finger inside me, and I purr. “And it feels like you are.”

“Ffuck you,” I groan, leaning back against his chest while he fingers me slowly, my body craving him wider;deeperthan a finger can accomplish.

“Mmm… I love it when you get hostile,” he croons. “Don’t worry, baby. You can be my sexy little slut and still have the tightest hole in the goddamn universe.”

Whimpering, I push my ass back against him while he slides his finger out, nudging the head of his cock between my cheeks.

“Ready, gorgeous?” He grips my hip with his left hand, nipping my shoulder. “You’re about to get probed.” He chuckles, and I roll my eyes.

“Oh God… please don’t start talking about aliens again,” I huff, then whine as he jams that fat crown into me.