Page 56 of For the Fans

Charlie421: Any plans to ditch the girl?? I would pay good money to watch just the two of you…

SBA2234: I need more of you and that dude alone! *Six fire emojis*

WillytheKid: The tension I stg. Pleaseee a collab just you n the guy??!?

ItsJavier33: Muy caliente mi guapo! So sexy you boys together *heart on fire emoji*

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I have dudes offering to payhundredsfor private videos, detailing all kinds of crazythings they want me to do… with my stepbrother. It’s fucking insane.

Of course, they don’t know that he’s my stepbrother… A fact that would probably have them offering evenmoremoney.I get a sense these homies are down with the forbidden.

But unfortunately for them, it’s a lost cause, and that thought has me sort of wallowing in a bizarre, angst-fueled depression. I haven’t posted more than a few measly pics since I uploaded the threesome video, and the lack of buzz for them has switched on my insecurities full blast.

Not only do I now feel like a failure if I don’t produce for my fans, but I’m stressing about losing the high of their attention, which also makes me feel like a huge loser.

I don’t know these people, and I don’t owe them shit. I could close this account and be totally fine… Just chalk it up to a stupid college experiment that happened to make me a few thousand bucks.

But I don’t want to do that. Like I said, the money and the newfoundfame, for lack of a better word, have given me a sense of purpose. I know it’s stupid, and I despise relying on other people for my own inner gratification, but I can’t help it. I want that adoration aimed atme.

But now that Superstar Harbor has been introduced to the fold, it’s all they seem to be clamoring for. Yes, they want both of us, not just him, but still. It’s annoying.

And pointless, because there’s literally no way Kyran would ever evenconsidergoing gay-for-pay. Especially not with me. It’s not going to happen, and it’s a major bummer because I’m not ready to give it up. Thefans.

On top of it all, I can’t get the memory of how that imbecilic threesome went down out of my head. It’s been just chilling in there, woven into the fibers of my memories so I can’t help but keep harping on it.

How close we were, and how the proximity seemed to flutter like a featherlight sensation in the pit of my stomach. The anger and tension and frustration burning around us…

His leg sloped over mine.

It’s the last thing I want to be thinking about, but I can’t stop. And I especially can’t stop remembering the fact that I think something about what happened turned him on enough to make himcomein hispants.

It was Frankie. It had to have been her. Fingering Frankie into orgasm must have been too exciting for him to bear, and that was why he freaked out and stormed off. I’mpositiveit had absolutely nothing to do with his dumb leg over mine or the panting breaths we shared that I’ve been fighting out of my brain for the last week.

Dropping my phone onto my desk and shoving it away from me, I reach into my drawer for a Twizzler, my favorite candy and one of my many,manycomfort foods. Chomping off bites, I chew while staring at the sketch I’ve been working on. It’s my version ofThe Last Supperwith all Batman characters. Obviously, Batman is Jesus, Robin is Peter… I’ve got Commissioner Gordon in there, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Bane, and the Scarecrow. And of course, the Joker as Judas.

It’s just for fun, like a play on the idea that the disciples were actually Jesus’s enemies, in a sense. In mine, they’re not so much sharing amealas they are all consumed with their own bullshit. It’s been taking my mind off things well enough, but now that I checked my phone, my motivation to keep working on it has all but dried up.

My eyes slink back to said phone and without even noticing it, I’m chewing furiously on my lower lip. There’s this tiny voice in the back of my head insisting that I need to tell Kyran about all of this hype from my fans…

I know, I know.It’s the most moronic of ideas. Knowing him, he’ll get pissed off, call me aqueer, and threaten to beat my ass. It’s his standard response, especially where the idea of us touching is concerned.

But then a part of me wonders if maybe he could use the attention too.Maybe he’d be flattered by the comments the same way I am…

And I know he needs more money. Three grand is nowhere near enough to cover housing at BC. Even with a few grants thrown in, we’re looking at almost twenty-grand a year, not to mention if we want to feed ourselves and you know… do anything other than breathe on this campus.

We both need more money coming in. And with that serving as one pathetic, measly excuse, I grab my phone and pull up a text to my grumpy bitch of a stepbrother.

Me: Hey

Five minutes go by before he even reads the message, and even so, he doesn’t respond. So I keep going…

Me: I need to talk to you about something important. Could you come over to my dorm?

This time, he responds almost instantly.

Kyran: That’s gonna be a non-negotiable no.

What a fucking asshole. I can’t.