Page 224 of For the Fans

I feel like I’m outside of myself, outside of reality. Watching some fucked-up movie…

This is what Kyran has been walking around with for eight years??

Jesus… Kyran.

Kyran…I whimper his name again and again in my mind.

“It smacked Tom in the face real hard when a few other kids came forward,” Bridget whispers, staggering over for more booze. I think she’s going to black out if she keeps up the way she’s going. But then I don’t exactly blame her. “But he still didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want toacceptit, because he’s a coward. His goddamn faith meant more to him than his own son. His reputation, his place in the church… all that fucking bullshit… he chose it over Kyran. They settled in court, as long as everyone agreed never to speak of it. The money went into a trust in Kyran’s name, but he said he’d rather die than touch a dime of it. He was fuckingthirteen years old… dealing with this… This horror.

“So yea… I guess it did tear our family apart. Mom and Dad fought nonstop, and they filed for divorce three months later. But no one ever stopped to check on Kyran. No counseling, no therapy. Nothing.Denial… That’s it.”

Bridget slumps down onto the floor by my feet. “I couldn’t take it. That’s why I left. I tried to get Kyran to talk to someone, but he was convinced all he needed to do was forget it ever happened. He wouldn’t talk about it… wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Because that’s what Dadtoldhim to do. So I applied to school out here… And I fucking left. Because I couldn’t spend one more second near that man. I wanted to forget my father even existed for the way he treated Kyran. I was a coward too…”

She whispers, curling up into a ball on the floor, “Because I left him. I should’ve stayed… Just to be there for him. But I was tooangry. I still am. It burns inside me every day, like another piece of myself made of rage. I’m not satisfied with that monster copping out and hanging himself. And I’m soproudof Kyran, and how incredible he turned out, despite everything, but… god-fuckin-damnit, I just hate my father so fucking much.”

Blinking, my eyes follow the lines of the ceiling, mind expanding and contracting through this information like weak lungs struggling to breathe. The helplessness inside me… it reminds me of when I was six. When I found out I would never see my father again.

It’s a misery that swallows you whole… A suffering at knowing there’s nothing you can do to change it.

Life…This is the pain of life, and it’s just so motherfucking bleak.

The endless void of silence is broken when my phone pings in my pocket. Pulling it out, I focus my blurred vision on the screen.

Kyran: BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

A choked sob leaves my lips, tears welling in my eyes and a happy-sad grin curving my mouth. Two more quick texts pop up, radiating his excitement.

Kyran: We did it! We did it Avi…

Kyran: God I can’t wait to see you baby.

My heart is trying to pump itself back to life, seal together all the wounds from uncovering the horrible the truth and justlovehim. Be happy for him, becausedamnit, he seems sohappy.

I can’t believe he can be so happy, even with this stuff living inside him.

He’s truly amazing.

My trembling fingers are struggling to type out a message as he keeps texting me.

Kyran: Are you coming to the party??? We’re on our way back to the hotel now. I just have to change and then we’ll be down there.

Kyran: I hope you’re not mad that I couldn’t see you right away after the game… It was such a whirlwind. I just got done showering after all the interviews and everything. Plus Coach popped a bottle of Dom in the locker room, so I’m a lil tipsy lol

Kyran: I wanna kiss you so bad babe. I’m gonna kiss you in front of EVERYONE :)

Jesus, my fucking heart. I can’t even breathe…

Me: I love you, Kyran. I am so fucking proud of you.

He must really be tipsy because he sends me a bunch of emojis. An eggplant, a peach, and five water-squirts.

My chest shakes with a laugh as I wipe tears from my eyes.

Kyran: Come to the party… please. I need you Avi.

Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world gorgeous.

theBSTpwrbttm: I want you both to rail me and then pretend you love me like you love each other. *Swoon*