Page 97 of Vespertine

Nicky stared at Jasper. The breeze lifting and falling inhis hair, the sun sparkling green lights in his eyes and shimmering goldunderneath. His lips were red and swollen from their kissing, and Nicky reachedup and gripped the back of his neck too.

“You are such a dick.” He jerked Jasper close, pressingtheir mouths together. Jasper melted against him, wrapping his arms tightlyaround Nicky. They stumbled down to the blankets and held each other.

“Can you forgive me?” Jasper murmured against Nicky’s sweatyneck.

“For thinking I let Jimmy Orlean suck me off? Maybe. But forbelieving your mom? That’s going to be a work in progress.”

“That’s fair. But can I at least point out that I was a kid?A confused, gay, Catholic kid?”

Nicky sighed and shifted to a sitting position. “I guess. I’llgive you that.” Dirt and grime covered them both where the blanket had shifted.

“Are you okay?”

“I think both of us are probably not really okay, Jazz.”Nicky raked his hands through his hair, the whirling dervish of anxietyvibrating in his heart again, making him quiver.

“You weren’t kidding about always being angry after sex,were you?”

Nicky smirked. “I don’t want to be angry. I’m really fuckingoverwhelmed right now. I’m not used to feeling all thesefeelings.It’s too much.” He laughed and tried to lighten the moment. “Besides, I think I’mgetting hungry. Lunch seems like forever ago.”

Jasper sat up and looked around. “The sun is going down. Itmust be nearly eight thirty or nine by now.”

A cold certainty settled in Nicky’s gut. It was only amatter of time before Jasper came to his senses. He was high on sex and hisfirst orgasm in God only knew how long, and he would realize that this had beena big, ugly mistake.

“Fireworks will start soon,” Jasper said. “We need to head back.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll swim over for the boat and come back for you.”

“I can make it,” Nicky murmured. He was exhausted,emotionally and physically, but there was a strange burning in his muscles thathe knew would feel better if he moved. “We’ll go together, and I’ll take iteasy. I’ll be fine.”

Jasper seemed skeptical, but when Nicky stood up and dustedoff his ass, folding the blanket up and heading back toward the fort, Jasperpicked up the box of photos and trudged after him.

Once Nicky had secured it all in the strongbox again, Jaspertouched his arm. “Okay, we swim back together. But if you drown, I’ll neverforgive you.”

Nicky kissed Jasper’s lips gently and smiled. “Well, maybewe’d be even then.”

Nicky’s lips were blue by the time Jasper dragged himup to the shore.

“You okay?”

Nicky nodded and wrapped his arms around himself, skin whiteand covered with goosebumps. “Yeah, just cold.” They pulled themselves up bythe tall grass since the dock stairs were completely gone.

Jasper gently touched Nicky’s hand. “Are you still angry?”

Nicky laughed. “No. I’m too tired and hungry to be angry, Iguess. And, you’re right. It was a long time ago. There’s no going back, andbeing pissed won’t change it.”

“When did you decide that?”

“About halfway over when I got tired and you made me floaton my back until I got my wind again. There’s something about staring up intothe night sky while floating in the middle of a cove and hoping no one’sbringing their boat in to dock in the dark that gives you some perspective.”

“What perspective is that?”

Nicky was panting hard. “Well, being run over by a speedboat with my priest ex-boyfriend isn’t exactly how I want to go out, but itdoes sound like a great cover for a gossip rag, huh? But mostly I wouldn’t havewanted you to die thinking I was angry with you. Because I’m not. Angry withyou.” He stared at Jasper, his eyes dark and unfathomable in the darkeningnight. “What about you?”

“I’m not too cold yet, but I will be. Come on.”

Nicky grabbed Jasper’s bicep. His fingers were like ice. “That’snot what I’m asking.”