Page 135 of Vespertine

“Did you…?”

Nicky shook his head and thumbed Jasper’s dimple in hischin. “I don’t ever want you or anyone else to feel the way I did when I kickedthe bathroom door in to get to him.”

“Oh, Nicky. Sweet Nicky.”

“I’m not going to touch drugs again, Jasper. I know I said Iplanned to stay sober before, but the whole time I was trying to save Mick, Ikept thinking, ‘I can’t do this to Jazz. I can’t do this to my folks.’ Hell, Icouldn’t even do it to Ramona. No one should ever feel that way because ofsomething I did to myself.”

“I’m so sorry you had to see that, Nicky.”

“I didn’t have to, but I did. I’m not sorry I was there withhim when he died. He wasn’t alone. Not everyone gets that much, I guess.”

“He was a friend of yours,” Jasper said.

“He was a stranger to me. I wish I knew him at all. If they askedme to say something about him at the funeral, I wouldn’t have a clue.” Hethought about Mick’s devotion to Sez despite the rejection. “Maybe I’d say thathe was a great bassist and a loyal guy.” He rubbed his eyes. “Speaking of, Ishould find out from Ramona when the funeral will be. I guess I should go toit.”

“Tomorrow. You can call and find out everything you need toknow tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

“We need some sleep.”

Nicky laughed softly, grit and exhaustion stinging beneath hislids. “We really fucking do.”

Jasper stood and held his hand down to Nicky. “Come on. Let’sget some rest.”

“Rest” was apparently code for “love-making,” and Nicky didn’tmind at all.

They lay naked in the bed under the cool top sheet, kissingand touching, pressing together and pulling apart, changing positions, andpressing together again. Jasper kissed every tattoo, licked the edges of eachline, and sucked Nicky’s nipples until he squirmed. He disappeared under thecover, kissing Nicky’s hip bones and dipping his tongue into Nicky’s bellybutton.

When Jasper’s hot breath gusted across his dick, Nickytossed the sheet back. “If you’re going to do that, baby, I need the fullfucking view.”

Jasper’s cheeks were flushed and his ears pink, but his eyeswere hot and urgent when he looked up from between Nicky’s spread legs. “It’sbeen a long time since I had any practice at this.” His voice was thready.

“You’ll be great.”You’ll beyou. “Don’t stop now.”

Jasper smiled up at him. “Never.”

The slick heat of his tongue snaked up Nicky’s sensitivelength, and he took the head between his warm lips, sucking lightly. Nicky’ssmile tugged the corners of his mouth. “Harder, remember? It’s okay to suck itharder, baby.”

Jasper’s eyes burned golden as he looked up under hislashes, mouth full and sliding further down. Then he pulled up on a hardersuck, and Nicky groaned. “Yeah, like that. You remember how I like it.”

Jazz huffed softly as he shifted angles and took Nicky indeeper, and then set up a rhythm of bobbing and sucking, his mouth hot andtender as he moved. Nicky threaded his fingers into Jasper’s hair, holding on,gazing down to watch. He’d never thought he’d have this again. Even thatmorning when he’d woken up, he hadn’t been sure this tenderness could be his.His balls tightened and his groin twinged hard, pushing a swell of precome fromhis dick.

“Hey, c’mere,” he murmured, pulling Jasper up.

“I was getting the hang of it again.”

“I noticed.”

They kissed again and the taste of himself in Jasper’s mouthwas like comfort food and he couldn’t get enough. “You’re so beautiful, baby.What did I do to deserve this?” He breathed against Jasper’s hair. “I’ve donethings—”

“Shh. That’s over now.”

“But you don’t know everything, Jasper.”

“I don’t need to know much. I love you and that’s all thatmatters.”

In the end, forgiveness was easy like a flowing river, likethe tides in the cove. It came in and covered the worst sins and carried themaway to the depths of the sea.