Page 123 of Vespertine

“Oh. Yeah, I could see how that’s problematic.”

Nicky snorted. “I have to say, I expected you to be moreupset, I guess.”

“I’m so glad to hear your voice. I can’t…I don’t think I canbe without you in my life anymore.”

“Ah, Jazz,” Nicky whispered. “Don’t say that when I can’t bethere.”

“It’s true though. I told Thomas. The bishop. I confessed.”

“Oh my God.”

He heard bedsprings squeak and he wondered where Nicky was.Still in Ramona’s house? Or a hotel room? It was early in California. Jasperhoped he was with Ramona but if he wasn’t…he trusted Nicky and believed in hisstrength.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Nicky asked.

“Yes, it was a really enlightening talk, actually. He mademe understand there is no way I can saveBO—I meanBlue Oasis—as long as I work for the Church. And he also told me there is noharm in loving you, if that’s how I feel. I thought about it long and hard, andI know God won’t hold it against me.” The Church and the parish however…

“Jazz…what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I can’t be a priest and stand by and see theChurch destroy these kids. And I can’t—I can’t not love you, Nicky. I just can’t.You’re in my soul.”

“Jesus. Jesus, I—oh my God.”

Jasper heard Nicky sniff, and his throat felt tight. “I’msorry if I upset you,” he whispered. “Are you alone? Where are you staying?”

“I’m with Ramona and I’m not upset. I’m happy, you asshole.Fuck. Shit. At this rate, I’ll be writing lyrics for Celine fucking Dion.”Jasper heard him take a few shuddery breaths. “I can’t come back home for awhile, obviously, and I know we can’t make any promises, and you might changeyour mind—”

“I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Really? Fuck, are you sure? Because I don’t know if I canafford to look forward to this, to have hope, and then have it not pan out. Ithink I’ll just pretend you’re still thinking about it, okay? It’s safer.”

“If that’s what you need to do, but I’m not changing mymind, Nicky.”

“Right. Not changing your mind. Um, but you’ve given mesomething to look forward to. Like I haven’t had in a long time. I love you,okay? But, uh, I gotta go now because I’m full of all these big fuckingfeelings, and, shit, I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe run or something.I gotta get myself together. Fuck, I’m gonna cry.”

“Okay, Nicky,” Jasper whispered, his own eyes filling. “Ilove you too.”

“I know.” He sniffed again.

They hung up, and Jasper picked up his phone again. It rangtwice and went through to Adrian’s receptionist.

“This is Father Hendricks,” Jasper said, and wow. He’d haveto get used to not saying that anymore. The thought was surreal, but somehownot upsetting. “Is Adrian around?”

“He’s not; can I take a message?”

“How about Lucas? Can I talk to him?”

“Sure, let me put you through.”

Jasper waited for less than ten seconds before Lucas wassaying in his ear, “Okay look, I really don’t want to come to church. There, Isaid it.”

Jasper grinned. “Are you sure about that, Lucas? You protestan awful lot whenever I talk to you. Something on your mind?”

“What? No! I was kidding!”

“Sure, whatever you say. Listen, did Adrian talk to youabout Blue Oasis yet?”

“About the Church closing it down? Uh, yeah. And you wonderwhy I don’t want to come. We better be fighting this, Father, or I’m going tothe press. I’ll lose my job but I don’t care. Without that place, I’d have beendead by now.”