Page 70 of Vespertine

“I’m sure. Sleep well tonight, Nicky. And don’t worry aboutme. I’m fine. Just take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

Nicky sighed and he disconnected the call. Jasper always hadbeen the better liar.

Chapter Thirteen

JASPERBREATHED CAREFULLY THROUGH HISnose in mountain pose. He softened hisgaze and stared out the window. The sun had begun to rise, but from hiswest-facing bedroom Little Bay still rested sleepily in darkness. Jasper letthe beauty of the silence wash over him as he breathed in and raised his armsoverhead. He let his exhale carry him forward—it’d taken a good few months buthe could comfortably place his hands flat on the floor now—and paused for amoment. Breath in, rise, breath out, fold forward again.

An unfamiliar warmth began to flower in his insides.

He stretched his right leg back, let the motion pull at hisgroin, and worked through a few more sun salutations until his body buzzedpleasantly. Coming to rest in mountain pose, he closed his eyes and let hismind drift. As it always did these days, it went to Nicky.

Does it bother you that I still jerk offthinking of you?

Jasper flinched and struggled to keep his breathing even.Don’t think about it.

His eyes flew open. No. Not thinking about the physical sideof what they used to have had been exactly what he’d been doing all week, andit was the coward’s way out. Touching Nicky last night had shaken somethingloose in him, and he had to deal with it.

Jasper closed the blinds and turned on the light on hisbedside table. It cast the room in the same warm glow from last night whenNicky had been right here.

Piece by piece he abandoned his pajamas and underwear.

It felt strange, to crawl onto his bed naked. Apart fromshowering, he’d gotten used to not spending too much time without clothes on.

He sat with his legs crossed in front of him and closed hiseyes. Even though it was warm in the room, he shivered lightly. For the firsttime in over a decade he allowed himself to think of the oppressive nights withNicky. The hot, humid struggles of their naked bodies—too young to really knowwhat they were doing and too far gone to be able to stop. In the darkness theirisland had been a cool refuge until their desire had overheated everything fromtheir dreams to their bodies to their minds. It all came back to him so vividlyit was as if it had happened yesterday.

Jasper made a small sound when his cock began to fill. It’dbeen so long since he allowed himself this; it cut off his breath right at thesource. His hands curled into fists on his knees. Nicky had been bigger thanhim back then—he’d pinned Jasper easily to the ground. He’d pressed theirclothed bodies together until they couldn’t stand it. Until the feeling of thescraping fabric over their sweaty skin had driven them to distraction.

He remembered what it was like to undress for the first timein front of the boy he loved. And oh heavens, he’d loved him so much. Eventhough it’d been dark, every angle of Nicky’s pure, untouched body was searedinto Jasper’s brain like a tattoo. He’d learned to see with his hands thatnight. To drink with his eyes and feel with his mouth, and he’d thirsted likehe’d been cursed to never be satisfied again.

Nicky had real tattoos, and Jasper now intimately knew whatthey looked like, what they were, how far they reached, and how they’d changedthat beautiful body. He moaned when a spurt of precome dribbled from his cock,and then he breathed.

Slow, in, hold, out.

Yes, he was tempted. And yes, he was only human. But he wasin control. He didn’t have to give in to the sins of the flesh. He was strongerthan that now. He was a priest of God. All the strength he ever needed wasthere for him to tap into. All he had to do was ask.

Help me, O Lord—Jasper squeezedhis eyes shut harder and pressed his fists to the tight knot in his chest—to resist temptation.

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name…”

As Jasper prayed, his heart calmed and his breath evened.Slowly his fists loosened and he pressed his palms together. The tightness inhis chest eased, and he allowed a long breath to escape through his mouth. Oncehe finished the fifth prayer his erection was gone.

After the Friday morning Mass, Jasper sat in the schooloffice and stared at his computer like it might bite him. Five hundred newemails and every subject line looked scarier than the previous one. The way thekids had been teasing him over the “sexy” pictures did not bode well for thecontent of those emails. His phone rang and he reached for it without lookingaway from the screen.

“Father Hendricks.”

A low chuckle made him snap to attention. “Don’t you meanFather Jazz? From what I saw at the checkout this morning—I mean there was thisone picture of you with—”

“Don’t you start too,” Jasper groaned.

“Aw, are people hating on you ‘cuz you’re beautiful?”

Jasper grinned at the phone, and relief flooded through himlike warm wine. After last night’s revelation he’d been afraid Nicky might notwant to talk to him again. “How’s it going, Nicky?”

“I slept like shit, but I’m okay. You?”

“I’m fine.”