Page 85 of Vespertine

Lizzie laughed. “I could have told you that.”

Jason turned to Nicky. “What about you?”

Nicky swallowed his ice cream and shrugged. “I agree withLizzie. Neither one. Too much fame.”

“But you’re almost as famous as them now!”

Nicky laughed. “Thank fu—uh, goodness that’s not true.”

“You don’t like being famous?” Lizzie asked, peering at himwith soft eyes. They reminded him of Ramona’s.

“Hate it.”

“C’mon, you don’t like the crowds screaming your name?Everyone singing along to your songs?” Jason asked.

“You don’t like the money?” she added.

Nicky considered. “Yeah, I like those things. But, to behonest, if I could go back in time and make one, big change in my life…” Hiseyes automatically sought Jazz’s back where he stood talking to a middle-agedwoman with red hair and a scar on her cheek. He couldn’t help but admire Jasper’sbroad shoulders beneath the tight black cotton, and his hair clumping upthickly in the humidity of the afternoon. “I’d give it all up.” He cleared histhroat and took another bite of his sundae.

Jason and Lizzie exchanged looks, but Nicky ignored it. Hecouldn’t stop thinking about Jasper’s little sermon. It’d been so off the cuff,even Jazz had seemed startled by it. He remembered how Jasper’s fingers andvoice had trembled as the words had tumbled out. And yet he’d gone on with itlike he didn’t have a choice, like something was speaking through him. Like theway Nicky used to feel about music.

It tickled at the back of Nicky’s mind. Maybe there was ahigher power of some sort. He wasn’t ready to concede to the idea of a God whocared about what they did on a day-to-day basis, but maybe there was a powereach person carried within. Their bone-deep truth. The reality of who theywere.

“What do you say, Nicky?” Lizzie asked like it wasn’t thefirst time.

“Huh?” Nicky shook out of his reverie and turned hisattention back to the kids.

“Want to go play some music with me and Jason? We could hideout in the gym. No one will be in there and the acoustics are kind of cool.”

“Unless you want to get more to eat?” Jason said. “You’reskinny and you didn’t eat anything real, just junk.”

Nicky was nearly done with his ice cream but he didn’t feelespecially hungry. Not if it meant he had to talk to the people from Jasper’schurch anyway. “I ate before I came. Let’s go.”

He followed them out of the cafeteria, feeling Mrs. Wells’sgaze on his back, but he ignored it. If she hadn’t figured out that he wasn’tgoing to hurt these kids by now, then fuck her.

An hour later, Jason was making good progress learning thefingerpicking part to “Here Comes the Sun,” and Lizzie was feeling her waythrough the keyboard accompaniment, while Nicky made up new lyrics—silly onesabout nosy churchies who brought potato salad to the Fourth of July potluck.

The door to the gym opened and Jasper leaned against thejamb. “Don’t let me interrupt,” he said, smiling, arms crossed over his chest. “Butwe can hear you guys all the way outside, you know. Maybe some lessoffensivelyrics would be possible, Nicky?”

Nicky couldn’t help the smile that cut across his face, orthe laugh that pushed up from his belly, and apparently neither could the kids.

“They do donate money to our cause,” Jasper added, trying tolook stern, but his eyes glittered with amusement.

“Of course. I’ll come up with suitable suck-up lyrics ASAP.”

Jasper rolled his eyes and laughed softly. “Actually,clean-up started and nearly everyone’s gone now. Lizzie and Jason, why don’tyou guys go help out? Once everything’s put away, we can get out of here,” hesaid to Nicky.

Jason and Lizzie exchanged another glance, but they headedout of the gym without being asked twice, both of them whispering and jostlingeach other as they went. Jason took the guitar with him, which left thekeyboard to take down off the stand and back up to the rec room.

“So, did you have fun?” Jasper asked, as Nicky hefted thekeyboard under one arm and lifted the collapsed stand into the other.

“Sure,” he passed the stand to Jasper who took it willingly.“I’ve had worse Saturdays.”

Jasper followed Nicky out of the room, and Nicky could feelhis questions burning into the back of him like Superman’s heat vision. The recroom was empty, and Nicky set up the keyboard and stand again with Jasperwaiting next to him, a furrow in his brow and his lower lip between his teeth.

“You say things like that a lot.”

“Like what?”