Page 105 of Vespertine

“So much better than my mom.”

Nicky laughed. “Well, your mom has mine beat in the ‘how tooperate a microwave’ game. Mine still has to ask my dad how long to pop thepopcorn.”

“Sometimes I wish my mother didn’t live up to thestereotype.”

Nicky took a bite of toast and sipped the water Jasper hadplaced near him. “What do you mean?”

“Driven, ambitious, proud, but with little to no time toraise a child, can’t cook, hires out the cleaning, is distant. A little cold.”Jasper shrugged. “I worked my hind end off to please her, but I was alwaysgoing to let her down in the end.”

“Yeah.” Nicky took a bite of banana and chewed it in thesilence. “But she saves lives. She’s a hero to a lot of people. I know if Ineeded heart surgery, she’s the first person I’d want to crack me open. Well,maybe notme, because she might actually fuckingleave me there to die. But, you know, if I was another person, she’d be theone.”

Jasper laughed quietly. “She didn’t really hate you.”

Nicky scoffed.

“Well, she didn’t hate youthat much.”He grinned. “Not enough to let her Hippocratic Oath slide and ruin herreputation.”

“What about your dad, though?” Nicky asked. “He wasn’taround much either. No reason to dump all the cold, distant,become-a-doctor-or-else stuff on your mom.”

“True. I was quite a lonely kid.” Jasper knocked hisshoulder against Nicky. “Until I met you.”

“Me too.”

Jasper touched Nicky’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “Eatmore. You’re still shaking.”

He managed to squeeze down two pieces of toast and theentire banana. Then he rested against the counter, his head pillowed on thecrook of his arm, while Jasper finished his dinner.

“When do you think the patch came off?” Jasper asked. “I don’tremember seeing it on you at the island.”

“Maybe on the way over when you had to haul me up. Or hell,maybe earlier in the day somehow. I don’t know.” He closed his eyes, and Jasper’sfingers found their way to his stubbled cheek again, brushing with tendernessthat made Nicky’s chest ache. “But they’d warned me withdrawal was harsh withthis medication. Still, I wasn’t expecting it to be like that.”

“You said it’d been worse.”

“Yeah. But it doesn’t usually come on so hard like that. Istill feel like a horse kicked me.”

“Maybe the exercise pushed it out of your system faster.”

“Could be. I have a high metabolism too, which is why thisdrug is ideal for me. Stable, consistent delivery, and I don’t have to rememberto pop pills multiple times during the day.”

“I know some of the kids at Blue Oasis have kicked habits,but I’ve never seen one of them go into withdrawal. They’re always fullydetoxed before they’re brought to me.” He looked at Nicky with sad eyes. “Ireally hate that you have to go through this.”

“I don’t have to ‘go through it,’ though. So long as thepatch stays on my arm.” Nicky sat up and smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay, Jazz.It’s better than the alternative.”

Jasper looked down, picking at his lasagna. “How long do youneed to stay on the patch?”

“Until I decide I want to be in excruciating pain and agony,I guess.” Nicky frowned. “Forever, in other words. Why?”

Jasper looked up sharply. “Wait, you can’t come off thismedication ever?”

“Don’t get moralistic on me now, Father Jazz.”

“I don’t know what you mean. I’m trying to understand.”

Nicky sized him up. The confusion in his eyes was sincere. “Ican come off it. If I want. But I don’t want.”

“Okay,” Jasper said, obviously still not entirely gettingit. “But this drug—”

“Medication.”