Page 58 of The Wonder of You

Three months after Phoenix’s marriage proposal, the big day is here. Although sticking to traditions was not really necessary to us, there were still a few things I wanted to do, such as Phoenix not seeing me in my dress until I walked down the aisle. So, after a morning of passion, I grab my bag and head to Toni’s cabin. She already has my dress hanging up on her cupboard door. The butterflies can’t help but flutter around in my stomach as I run my hand down it. Thinking back to the first day I met Phoenix all those years ago, and the second time after my rebirth, a strong feeling of wanting to cry comes over me. Why have we waited so long to celebrate our love?

Toni and her girls treat me like a princess getting ready. I keep seeing the light of a camera from the corner of my eye. I can’t wait to make a photo album after this. Lola applies a thin layer of makeup on me; enough mascara to make my eyes stand out a little more, a bit of powder to hide some of those tiny spots. No lipstick, though, I hate the feel of it on my lips. She ties my hair up into a messy, but stylish pony-tail, something I didn’t realise was possible to accomplish until now. Perhaps I need hair lessons from Lola. Finally, looking in the mirror, I feel good. I feel like me.

Toni and the girls leave me alone as they walk off in their black and white dresses to get ready for the big moment. I’m not alone with my thoughts for long, though. Maudie opens the door and screams as she catches sight of me.

“Renée!” Her squeal gives me a confidence boost. “You look like a fairy!”

A fairy! I like that much more than a princess.

“And so do you, my mini fairy!” I chuckle as she spins around in her own tea-length dress.

A miniature version of mine, other than the fact hers is pink.

“I really love my dress, I feel so pretty.” She smiles confidently and it makes me melt inside. What a wonderful moment.

“That makes me so happy, Maudie, you are pretty, the most beautiful girl in the world.”

Her eyes light up at my comment and she twirls around in her dress again.

A part of me feels nervous, being the centre of attention and all. Phoenix is used to standing and talking in front of crowds for the circus, but I’m not fully there yet. All eyes will be on me. It’s fine though, because my eyes will just be on Phoenix. The butterflies swim around in my stomach thinking of him waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

Maudie snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Are you ready for your big day?”

I smile.

“I’ve always been ready.”

A knock makes both Maudie and I turn around to the door. Excitement takes her face as she jumps on the spot and claps.

“It’s time!” she squeals .

I open the door to Henry.

“Well, I say,” he grins. “You look beautiful, as you always do, but today…” He puts his hands in the air. He has no words, but he doesn’t need to say a thing.

“Thank you, Henry, but look at you!” He stands in his plain black suit, a very different appearance to his usual patterned one. It suits him well, though. He looks handsome even with those deadly eyes.

“We’ve still got time to run away with each other, you know?” he jokes. I laugh as Maudie steps forward and waggles her finger at him.

“That’s not funny, Henry!”

“I was only joking, little lady. You look very pretty in pink. You’re walking up ahead, you know that? Then you’re going to stand beside your dad.”

She nods. I can’t tell if she’s still excited or if a bit of anxiety has hit her. The only people here are our circus family though, so I know she will feel happy and comfortable walking down the aisle in front of everyone.

“Let’s go,” I say. The big moment is finally here.

Maudie walks slowly ahead of us; I keep my hand on Henry’s elbow. I am glad I’m not wearing heels. Toni recommended, it but I refused, heels have never been for me. I wish I had a bit more natural height, but to sound like my father in a time far away in my mind; it is what it is.

“How are you feeling?” Henry looks down at me.

“I’m wondering why after all this time, we’re only doing this now, but I think it feels better than it could have before… after everything that’s happened, you know? ”

“Yeah, I know. You were always too deep in love to think about it before. I think after losing you, Phoenix wanted to do this, to celebrate you both. You both deserve this; I am glad I get to celebrate it with you. You changed that sombre man, even though he put himself up as ringmaster, he was never really… there, if that makes sense? Then you came around and you brought life into him. We lost you both that horrible day, but now you’re both back again and everything is how it should be. We’re all alive again.”

I take a deep breath, and smile up at Henry.

“You’ll make me cry, you big softie!”

“Always soft for my family, brutal to those who dare harm them.” He grins. We don’t have any more time to continue chatting, as the beautiful white chairs and colourful flowers come into view. The set up looks incredible with the rolling green hills and river as our backdrop. The sun beams down on us all. Maudie skips her way down the aisle, delicately chucking little pink petals everywhere. Lukas’ eyes beam with pride as he watches her, but then he turns and pats the shoulder of the man beside him and my breath catches.

Phoenix turns and we make eye contact.

My heart drops as if it’s once again that first meeting.

He looks so handsome in his black suit, his blue tie, the little pink flower poking out from his shirt pocket.

Everything I went through was worth it for this.

I try my best not to cry, even when I see him wiping tears away from his own eyes.

Everyone admires us, but it’s only Phoenix and I .

Henry lets go of me and shakes Phoenix’s hand as if he is my father. When Henry walks away, Phoenix beams down at me.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers.

I bite my lip. I feel like that girl on the very first day I met him. Untouched and unloved, desperate for something new. But I never imagined I’d find Phoenix. I never imagined I find this. I never imagined I’d go through everything I went through, but I feel stronger now. Wiser. It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all. And look at us now. More grateful than we could have been before. Just to be here expressing our love to one another, in front of all those we have claimed as our family.

I gulp back another set of tears that want to unleash.

“Look at you , you’re so handsome.”

He grins at me as he takes my hands in his. My fingers explore his, touching his skin as if I’ve never touched it before. We loop them together when everyone else falls silent and I know the big moment is coming. I look at Phoenix in this last second of silence and I can’t help but smile. At us and everything we are.

Toni hosts our wedding as if she’s hosting a performance, although every now and then her voice cracks from the incoming tears she struggles to hold back.

“Do you, Phoenix de Raven, take Renée Stipe to be your wife?” she asks with a smile. We told her to say everything as simply as possible. We don’t need a bunch of fancy words to express ourselves when we already know what we mean to one another. Our vows are already written on each other’s hearts.

“Yes, I do.” Phoenix grins as he squeezes my hands in his.

When Toni asks me the same question, I do not even hesitate.

“Yes, yes,” I giggle.

Phoenix leans down to kiss me. I put my hands on his cheeks as I kiss him back, taking this moment in. The feel of his skin on mine. The taste of his soft lips and how I wish I could linger on them longer. Phoenix raises his own hands so they’re on my cheeks and his lips gently part from mine as they brush against my nose and then my forehead. He meets my gaze again and smiles in a way that I simply cannot believe he is mine and of course, I accept another incoming kiss. I want to look at our wedding rings again, but I’d rather look at his face, rather kiss his face. I’m like a giddy little girl, high on love.

For a moment, it’s just us… even when I feel Phoenix’s lips smile as Maudie screams in delight.

Toni chuckles as she says.

“I was supposed to tell you to kiss, but okay!”

Someone shouts. “Whoop!” which I can only guess is Lukas or Henry, or perhaps both as the noise repeats itself, as if they’re in a competition to be the louder one.

I open my eyes as we pull apart from our kiss. I am reminded of the feelings when I met him, as if my world was black and white, and now it’s only in colour. The emotion is there again, so strongly that I feel the tears roll down my cheeks .

“You’re my person, Phoenix.” I laugh through my tears, carefully trying to pat them away.

“You’ll give me forever?” he asks as he kisses my nose.

“Forever and always, here with you in our home.”

The word powers through my body.

Home.

I’ m finally home.