Page 46 of The Wonder of You

Within seconds of hitting the floor, Phoenix is at my side.

“Are you okay?” he rushes to hold me as I touch my cheek. I’m filled with anger, sadness and humiliation. Despite all the arguments, my sister has never been physical with me. I watch as Henry storms over to her.

“Leave,” he demands with his finger pointed to the direction she came.

“Not without my sister,” she says, stomping her foot like a child.

“Renée stays with us,” Henry says calmly.

Lydia sniggers. “I’ll report you to the police!”

Her stern face expression suggests that she clearly thinks she’s got the upper hand, but Henry wipes it away with his response.

“Your adult sister has made a choice to stay here, so I don’t believe there is anything the police can do about that.”

Her foot stomps again. It reminds me of the way she used to twist Dad around her little finger, the way she’d still be opening Christmas presents way into midday when the rest of us had finished in the early morning, the way she always got her way, no matter the demand. I never needed much, but she needed everything. I was always jealous, not because of the presents, but because of how she couldn’t see she already had everything, by having a loving father and a full night’s sleep without the world of terror finding its way in. I don’t know if she really wants me to leave with her because she feels concerned for my well-being or because she just desperately wants to get her own way.

Henry steps forward and lowers his voice, but I hear everything,

“If you don’t leave, I’ll do what I should have done the first time I met you, I’ll snap that little neck of yours and feed you to the pigs.” His croaky voice and hollow dark eyes suddenly meet his personality. He’s terrifying. Lydia’s mouth drops; she has no idea that he’s referring to their first meeting which took place years ago.

She looks at me as if I am going to defend her, but I don’t. I care more for Henry than I do her. No one has ever defended me like that against my sister. Dad just used to say her name and sigh when she was mean to me, a little bit of disapproval, but no action to make her stop. I finally feel seen. I finally feel loved.

Rightly so, Lydia looks afraid, but it soon changes to anger. I doubt she believes Henry will do anything to her. She steps closer to us and Phoenix moves himself so he is directly in front of me. Lydia looks disgusted by this action, but of course, she can’t leave without the last word. A sly smirk finds its way to her face as she glares at me.

“We might have the same last name, but you got that nickname because you’re a freak. You always were, you always will be. I’ve never been so disappointed to have you as my sister.”

She spits at me as she hurries away.

Before, her words might have hurt me. Perhaps even made me cry. I would probably lose even more sleep over it. For the first time though, I don’t care. No emotion runs through my body.

Phoenix and Henry turn to me, each of them with a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

“I’m sorry about what I said, but no one hits our Renée and gets away with it,” Henry says. The spark in his eyes is back. He’s terrifying, but not to me. I know he’d never hurt me.

“It’s okay,” I smile back as Phoenix pulls me close. He rubs my cheek and smooths the stinging sensation away.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Henry says gently. As Henry walks back to the circus tents, he receives a pat on the back from Lukas. I look up at Phoenix.

“She did make a point though; you’re going to leave here. What about me?”

He looks shocked.

“What sort of question is that, Renée? What about you? You’re coming with us. How could you think any differently?” He looks hurt and confused.

“But… my life here, not that I really have one.” Lydia was right about that. “I just inherited a house; what do I do with that?”

It feels like such a silly question. Now I know who I really am, everything beyond the circus feels pretend. I have a house that feels more like a prison of the past, and yet I’m wondering what I’m supposed to do with the place I once called home.

“You tell your Dad he can have it. You don’t need it, you don’t need money, you don’t need anything other than this.” He waves his hand to the circus, as if trying to prove his point.

I can see the panic in his eyes as he looks me up and down, trying to find answers to what I mean.

I stand on my tip-toes and hold his face in my hands.

“This isn’t me questioning whether I should stay with you or stay here, this is just me trying to make sense of what is going to happen next. Phoenix, I will go wherever you will go. I just want to tie things up nicely here, that’s all.”

His shoulders relax.

“I was about ready to drop to my knees and beg you, you know that?” He beams at me. I kiss him softly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I want to make love to him again.

“Get a room!” Lukas shouts from nearby. I break away and start to laugh. I give Phoenix a coy smile.

“I do sort of want to get a room, though.”

He grins, but his eyes return to serious and his voice softens.

“We’ll sort everything out, okay? If you need to go back and clear things up, say goodbye, that’s okay, but I want to come with you. I don’t want you being alone with a family who are so happy to abuse you like that.”

I instantly think of Uncle Carl, but I know he’s referring to Lydia. I guess some things just never truly leave your mind.

“That’s fine, but you know I’ll always choose you, right? In this life and the next. ”

We both laugh at the irony of my corny statement. I hold his hand as we walk back to the cabin. For a brief moment, I wonder what Phoenix would do if I decided to stay here. I shouldn’t entertain such a silly thought, but it passes through my mind. Would he stay with me? Would he just tell me no? There was a hint of possession in his voice when we had sex. I have to admit, I found it kind of sexy, but I know he’d never hurt me. I know he loves me and would hear me out if I needed to make a difficult decision.

I think back to our life before my rebirth, all the decisions we made together. I trust Phoenix more than anything. I trust him with my life.

But there’s no need to consider what would happen because I am his.

I am his and he is mine, and I am here to stay forevermore.