Page 39 of The Wonder of You

Everyone but Phoenix sits around a table in the circus tent. It’s late, and a long hard day of entertaining guests is over. Finally. Henry sighs. He hates how his passion for one of his favourite things hasn’t been the same since Renée was taken from them.

The circus is not the same anymore. The happiness feels false. Everyone is acting, whereas before it was always their truest form. How can they all smile and be happy when they’ve lost one of their own?

“If Renée ever returns, what do we do? If she just turns up one day?” Lukas questions. His eyes are tired. His voice is weak, as if he doesn’t believe Renée will ever turn up again. The years have gone by slowly and the days only get longer without her. How long should they wait? What if they’d already missed her quick turn on the mortal world?

“We do our best to act normal.” Henry instructs.

“I’ll run and hug her!” Maudie smiles as she cuddles a teddy bear. She’s sitting in her pyjamas, insistent that she is part of the meeting. Lukas happily agreed as he hates her out of sight since the witches turned up. Even with them gone, it seems impossible to trust that they’ll never return.

“You can’t do that.” Henry says firmly. He instantly regrets it as Maudie sinks down into her chair, ready to cry. “I’m sorry, Maudie. If Renée ever shows up, she might not remember all this and we have to go gentle on her. Acting like we already know her might scare her away, you see?”

Maudie nods.

“It’ll be really hard!” she squeaks and Lukas takes her hand. Toni rubs Maudie’s back.

“It will be, but we need to try going at her pace.” Toni smiles, but her gaze redirects back at Henry. “But… if that doesn’t happen?” She tries to lower her voice, to prevent Maudie from hearing the possibility of Renée never coming home. “What do we do? How long do we wait? Phoenix… he’ll waste away. I don’t think he has much longer in him.”

Henry sighs. He doesn’t want to be the person to answer all these questions. He doesn’t know what to say. Why is everyone looking at him? Is he failing them all? He supposes it is because he knows what happened at Lucifer’s place. He was there, so they think he has more answers than he actually does. He feels frustrated, like he wants to throw the table up in the air and scream at everyone to shut up.

“I don’t,” a voice from behind startles the group.

Phoenix stands looking at them. His body wobbles as if he can’t hold his own weight.

“I don’t have much longer left without her. I can feel it in my bones.”

“It’s impossible to just die, Phoenix. You know that. It doesn’t work like that in this world. You can’t just die.” Henry tries to hide the frustration in his voice, but it’s too hard.

“Well, someone will have to kill me.” Phoenix looks at them all as if that is the obvious answer. As if that’s what he will want regardless of what they say, whatever they plead. How can they expect him to live like this? It would be cruel.

Maudie cries out and Lukas rushes to pick her up and carry her away from the scene unfolding.

“I won’t kill you, Phoenix,” Henry huffs.

“I’ll ask Lucifer,” he responds casually.

Henry screams as he stands, hitting the table with his fists. It was going to happen eventually. His fury was shimmering just under the surface, ready to break out any moment.

Losing one person has been hard enough. He can’t stand here and listen to Phoenix wanting to die out of choice!

“You think I’ll let you go there again? He wasn’t able to give you answers. You have no excuse to go there. I’ll tie you down if I have to!”

“Henry!” Toni pleads, but he can only see red.

“You’re not the only one who misses her, we’re all trying to deal with this.” Henry adds.

Phoenix’s face expression changes from the usual sadness to anger. No one else feels what he feels, how can anyone think otherwise? He rushes forward and pushes Henry.

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“Stop it, Phoenix. You know what I mean,” Henry replies. Phoenix isn’t strong enough to push him over. He is able to firmly stand his ground. “Please, you’re my friend. My brother. I want to help you, but I don’t know how. All I can offer is being here. ”

With that, all the anger leaves Phoenix as he drops to the floor. On his knees, he bends down so his face is touching the ground.

He cries. Deep, body-shaking cries take over him. Every sob from Phoenix is like a stab to Henry’s heart. He leans down and rests his head on Phoenix’s back to comfort him.

“I need her!” Phoenix howls. Toni kneels beside him and runs her hand through his hair and tries to sooth him.

“It’ll be okay. It has to be,” she insists.

They stay there for a while, comforting one another. When Phoenix has worn himself out a little, Henry helps him back to his cabin and into his bed.

“Soulmates always find each other,” he states while pulling the bed covers up to Phoenix’s neck. Like a father, he almost wants to lean down and kiss him goodnight. He chooses not to. Instead, he leaves the cabin with one more reflective thought for his friend.

“The phoenix disappears after it is destroyed. But it always comes back. Always .”