Page 43 of The Wonder of You

I sit smirking to myself on the sofa after cleaning up with a shower and putting on some old clothes of mine that Phoenix still has. They are a little old school, but I do like them and fresh clothes is much needed. He hands me a coffee and I take a deep breath as I enjoy the smell of it. I appreciate the moment. I broke down a mental wall this morning by enjoying myself do something I never thought I would. Something I probably never would have done if it wasn’t for Phoenix.

“What does this mean for me now? Am I like I was before? Immortal?” It feels weird saying it, but it also feels right. The idea of witches or the devil doesn’t seem like folklore anymore, it feels like something I always knew was real anyway.

“Yes, I guess you never really died, you just disappeared and came back, and now you remember everything…”

“So, am I twenty-nine forever? I’ll never get old?” I’m not sure how I feel about this.

“Arabella said so yes. In terms of your exact age, I guess so. We can still celebrate your birthdays, I’m sure there are plenty of ways we can have fun.” He winks as he sips on his coffee and I feel myself blushing.

I am truly blessed, like a warm blanket of love has wrapped itself around me.

I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone.

Not even my own family. I loved my grandparents but I still felt like I should ask them for a hug. I still worried they would ask me questions I didn’t want to answer.

With Phoenix, I could plonk myself on his lap and he wouldn’t mind.

I know he could ask me any question and I’d answer it. I’d tell him, no matter how many ugly scars it opened up on me, because with him, those scars will close again.

“How old am I really though? If we don’t count the disappearance and rebirth?”

“Very, very old,” he grins.

“Like rather than being twenty-nine, I’m two hundred and twenty-nine?”

“Oh no, much older than that.”

I can’t comprehend that amount of time so I just forget it. Damn, I’m going to live forever. It’s scary but it’s kind of wonderful too. I’ll get to be here with Phoenix. As long as I remind myself; I am safe, I am with my true family, I can breathe… I know I can also manage all those old memories and whatever life might throw at me.

We sit in silence for a moment or two but I can feel Phoenix’s eyes on me, perhaps scared to look away, perhaps in fascination that I am here.

I love the way he looks at me. As if I am his world.

“We should probably go see everyone,” I suggest.

***

Stepping outside into the cool air feels so good on my face. I notice Lukas and Henry; they both look at me with a smirk on their face. My cheeks burn up as I remember I screamed out in pleasure this morning.

Did they hear? Was I that loud?

But am I embarrassed? How can I be when I was making love to the most remarkable man in the universe?

I probably will try to keep it down in the future though. There are children about I remind myself.

I walk over to them and Henry goes to say something, but I notice the boyish expression on his face.

“Shut it, Henry. I know, I know! Don’t be a clown about it.”

He gasps.

I gasp.

I look at Lukas who has his mouth wide open in comical shock.

Then we all laugh.

“Oh god, I’ve missed you all so much,” I cry.

Lukas reaches forward hugging me, he raises me off the floor as I tightly wrap my arms around his shoulders.

I used to hate hugging, but not with my circus family. I want all the hugs I can get.

“I’ve missed you too, shortie.”

“I’m not sure about the shortie nickname, but I’ll let it slide for our reunion.”

I share a similar style hug with Henry, then with Toni. There are a lot of tears but also a lot of smiles. Then I hear the squeal, I instantly drop to my knees as Maudie runs towards me .

“There you are!” I say as I pull her into my arms, standing up and twirling her around.

“You remember, you’re back properly?” She leans out to look at me and I smile and nod.

“Yes, and I’m so sorry for pushing you Maudie, you know that don’t you? I hope I didn’t hurt you?”

“That was years ago, silly!”

Everyone laughs.

“But I forgive you, you saved my life,” she giggles. When I put her down, she runs off to grab a doughnut from one of the stalls and I look towards Phoenix and Lukas who are standing together.

“Why is she still a child?” I ask, the thought only just popping into my mind.

“We think one of the spells from that day rebounded when you saved her. She’ll be a child forever, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s never even questioned me on it,” Lukas says. For a moment, guilt raises in my stomach but I remember that she is alive. That’s all that matters.

I am overwhelmed with love, but I still want more so I walk towards Phoenix and wrap my arms around his waist. He doesn’t hesitate in doing the same back.