Page 44 of The Wonder of You

It doesn’t even cross my mind to go back home to my dad and sister, because as far as I’m concerned, I am home.

The circus.

My chosen family.

Phoenix.

We all head to one of the circus tents. Toni has set up a huge table for us all to have breakfast. Her and the girls bring out plates full of food. I have never been the biggest eater, but this looks delicious and I am ready for it. I sit between Phoenix and Maudie. Maudie keeps grabbing my hand and smiling at me, as if she thinks I might disappear again. It’s a wonderful feeling to be loved.

I devour toast, sausages and more coffee. I hear Lukas and Henry joking around with each other on the other end of the table, occasionally glancing up to smile in my direction. Everything feels tentative, but exciting.

There is a loud cough from Phoenix who stands up.

“Hi everyone, I want to apologise for the fact I’ve been so… well, you know…” he starts.

“A miserable little bastard,” Henry jokily cuts in.

Phoenix rolls his eyes, smiling ever so slightly.

“It’s been the hardest part of my life living without Renée.” He looks down at me and smiles. “I know I’ve been the circus ghost here, but things will change now. I am going to be more involved again, I promise. Thank you for your hard work and for reminding me daily that Renée would be back. You kept me going. And now, things are good again.”

Everyone erupts into cheers.

“To Renée! The circus is back again!” Lukas shouts.

I blush, wondering how on earth I could have such importance to these spectacular people. But I’m not complaining.

“To Renée!” Toni joins in as she wipes the tears away. I saw how she instantly got emotional as Phoenix stood up to talk.

“I take it I am forgiven?” Phoenix smiles over at Henry.

“You never needed to apologise, my good friend. Heaven help the fool who falls in love.” He winks and then stands up himself. “To Phoenix and Renée! To the circus, to our family! Can I make a suggestion that we close the circus for the night? Today, we should celebrate our family.”

Everyone cheers again and Phoenix nods in agreement as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. This moment, this raising of drinks, reminds me of a wedding reception. The idea of marrying Phoenix sends happy little butterflies into my stomach. They hit me with such a force that I lean forward to kiss him. It doesn’t help settle the feeling in my stomach, it only makes it more intense as he smiles at me with those dark, sparkling eyes. I hope with a closed circus for the night, we’ll get some more alone time in the cabin. I can’t believe I am thinking like this, but it feels right.

It is right .

The day turns into one big party. I dance with all my friends, feeling odd to be close to them again, but also so perfect. After a morning of catching up, day slips away into night and Toni rearranges the tent back into its usual dance area. Henry spins me right into the arms of Phoenix as darkness falls over the circus. We laugh and dance and I have never felt so free. Phoenix and I sway to the beat of the music. It dawns on me how confident I am letting go with all these people watching. Most eyes are on us tonight, seeing something they hoped they would see again, but always feared they wouldn’t. These people are different, though. They’re not my biological family who tolerate me, or pity me because of my sad childhood. They’re not school kids who will laugh at me and do their utmost to embarrass me, to a point I have to walk away.

No.

They are my chosen family; we are all bound together by something much stronger than blood.

Lukas swings Maudie around beside us, her laughter could be a happy medicine, I swear. Henry tries flirting with some of the ladies who work with Toni and they giggle at him as if he’s their dad’s annoying friend. Toni tuts as she watches on and then giggles herself as Henry holds out his hand to her. There is a sparkle in her eyes as she wiggles her hips in his direction and then takes his hand. Her cheeks turn red as Henry puts his hand on his heart and pretends he is going to faint from her beauty and dance moves.

I could watch them forever but I have something much better in front of me .

As ‘’You Are My Destiny’’ plays, a song that my grandparents sometimes listened to, I look back at Phoenix and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Only happy thoughts play through my mind as I sing along to the words.

“You are my one and only!” It comes out like a moan, but I don’t care about my bad singing as Phoenix takes my face in his hands and kisses me. At first, he’s soft, but passion soon creeps in as he kisses me harder. I pull away, suddenly flushed.

“Shall we save this for the cabin?” I whisper.

“Can we go now?” he replies, cheekily.

“Hmm,” I joke. “I do think we’ve done enough dancing for one night, so I guess we could.”

He grabs my hand and we make the rounds of saying thank you and goodnight to everyone. It takes longer than I imagined, with people wanting to talk and catch up again. It fills me with warmth when they hug me and get a little emotional. This is the best welcome home gift I could ever have imagined.

I lift Maudie off the floor as I hug her.

“A late night for you?”

“Yes, Daddy said it was a special occasion! Can we paint some rocks soon?”

“Of course we can,” I promise as I put her down. Once she runs to her dad and heads to their own cabin, Henry comes over to us with an expression that I can only assume is going to follow with some sort of naughty joke .

“I haven’t slept great for the last hundred years, so if we can keep it down tonight, that would be great,” he smirks.

I give him the middle finger and he responds with a cheesy grin before walking away. For someone who didn’t feel they ever had a childhood, in this lifetime or the last, it warms my heart to be silly with these people.

Hand in hand, Phoenix and I walk to his cabin, I look out at the view that is my hometown in this life and stop in my tracks. Phoenix squeezes my hand.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“You can see so much from up here, so much of the town. It’s quite the view,” I state. I know Phoenix’s view is me as he watches and waits for whatever I am going to say next.

“I’ve never felt I’ve belonged anywhere, but I guess I did consider this town home, and now it doesn’t feel that way, you know? It feels wrong, like I am joking around with myself. I think this lifetime is going to slowly become a weird memory, like some long fever dream.”

Phoenix nods his understanding,

“Home is wherever the circus is, and wherever you are.” He squeezes my hand. His statement sums it all up so I simply nod and walk into the cabin with him. I know tonight is going to be another night of love and peaceful sleep. It’s been so long since I looked forward to closing my eyes and falling into the land of dreams. But I get the feeling that Phoenix will always make me feel this way.