Page 41 of The Wonder of You

Mortal Land

Bath, England

2023

I startle awake, gasping for air. Where the hell am I?

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here. I carried you back from Arabella’s.” Phoenix sits beside me and I realise I am in his cabin. The sensation of being in his arms when he brought me in here comes back.

I stare at him.

Oh goodness.

I remember everything.

Suddenly, I am above water. For so long I have either been drowning or barely above the surface. This moment, right here, I am finally reaching the shore. I can breathe without struggle. It’s like a rebirth and all I can do is stare at the man who has rescued me, the man who has waited for me. Little, boring Renée who maybe isn’t so boring after all.

My two lives have somehow linked together. My first life takes centre stage in my mind, as if a piece of paper has been placed on another, but it’s thin enough that the one on the bottom can still be seen.

I feel conflicted about everything and everyone.

But not Phoenix. Never about him.

“Phoenix?” I whisper, trembling. I don’t want to waste another minute. I throw myself into his arms. I can feel him trembling as he holds me back, his face buried deep in my neck. It’s such a relief to feel him, to touch him now that I’ve made sense of all this. I can only imagine how it must feel for him. A hundred years we’ve been apart. How did I never know what I was missing?

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers. I cry harder and he cries with me as he wraps his arms tighter around me. His grip is so firm, as if he’s afraid that if he lets me go, none of this will be real, or maybe the ground will open again, ripping us away from each other once more. I feel so safe with him. The scars of my current life will stay with me, but I think… no, I know , that here, with Phoenix, with my true family, I’ll be able to work through those emotions.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t save you, Renée. I will never let that happen again.” He holds me closer and I don’t want him to let go. I want to stay in this moment forever, even though my heart feels as if it’s being stabbed with every sobbing sound Phoenix makes.

“It wasn’t your fault, none of it was.”

“I am sorry for the life you’ve lived here, though, and all of the things you have been through.” His hand rests on my cheek and I can’t help but admire his face. I wondered before how a man like this could possibly want me, but now it all feels right without any doubt in my mind. I may continue to live with fears from my first and second life, and new fears will surely find me, but I will never doubt Phoenix and I again.

“It wasn’t all bad, my grandparents were wonderful people.” I smile at the memory of them. I was lucky to have them, although my feelings for my dad and sister are clashing. Is Lydia who she is now or who she was before? I can’t exactly get angry at her for something she hasn’t done in this lifetime. She would think I’d lost my mind if I shouted at her for trying to organise my kidnapping. But then again, she has never really been kind to me. Perhaps my past and present life are more intertwined than I ever knew.

I run my hand through Phoenix’s hair.

“You waited a hundred years for me?”

“And I’d wait a hundred more, but I am so glad I don’t have to. I’ve missed you so badly. I thought I’d implode from all the grief. I wanted it all to be over. I wanted to end it all so many times. But something told me you would be back. And I had to wait for you, no matter how hard it was.”

I rest my forehead on his.

“We have so much to catch up on, but right now, I just want to sleep beside you.”

I want to stare at his face longer. I want to ask questions, check Maudie is okay, reconnect with my old friends, but I haven’t slept peacefully for so long and something tells me that here with Phoenix, I’ll finally be able to rest.

We move towards the bed and I lay my head on his chest. I’ve never felt so comfortable, so safe. A part of me wants to break into tears again, but I am just too relieved and somewhat overwhelmed. Now is a time for happiness. I don’t really know what will happen next in my current life, but I don’t care, because now I am here, where I was always meant to be. That’s all I want to focus on.

Phoenix runs his fingers up and down my back and I think I can hear him sniffle. Perhaps he is getting emotional again, so I loop my arm around his waist and close my eyes. I know I don’t need to say anything to him, laying here together in silence is all the comfort we need.

I feel myself falling to sleep and one word runs through my mind.

Home.