Page 34 of The Wonder of You

Memories flicker around my mind which I don’t think are actually mine. It’s as if I’m watching a television show, but it’s almost like I am a ghost standing beside them as it happens, feeling every emotion, knowing every thought. I feel my eyes flickering as I think these will become the last memories that float through my mind.

“No, no, no,” Phoenix cries. He uses his fists to slam the ground, which has quickly reverted back to its normal self after the giant hole ripped through it. His hands are covered in mud and blood as he frantically pulls the grass, like he believes he can open whatever hell hole previously appeared and pull Renée back out.

“Renée…” His voice breaks and he sits there in a soundless scream, unable to cry out, unable to save his love. Lukas desperately wants to support his friend, his brother. He struggles to do anything other than be paralysed in the moment, cradling his daughter who he nearly lost. She cries in his arms, her own fear catching up on her, the woman she saw as a mum gone.

“Where is she?” Phoenix furiously shouts at Henry; he grabs at his jacket and pulls at it like a child throwing a tantrum. “Where is she?”

“Phoenix, I…” but Henry has no words, he can barely speak from his own grief. Phoenix accepts not having a response as his response. No one can help him. He screams and hits the ground again, panic rushing through his body as he realises what has happened, what th is means for him. The thought of being without Renée for even a night makes his body ache. And the thought of forever without her? His body shakes as if he’s been electrocuted, then he falls to the ground. Henry follows behind Toni who carries a passed-out Phoenix over her shoulder and back to his cabin.

A hand tightly grips Henry’s arm. He turns quickly, on high alert. It’s only Lukas though. He has Maudie in one arm and he looks at Henry with terror still lingering in his eyes. Henry glances down, if he looks at anyone for too long, he is certain he’ll see that pit again. The flames as they reached up. He shakes his head to snap out of it.

“Where are they?”

Henry glances around, the rest of the staff are still lingering around looking hopeless. How did the circus go from a war zone to back to normal in just minutes? How can everything look the same when nothing is the same?

But the witches are gone.

“They’ve left. They’ve done the upmost damage as possible. Don’t leave Maudie though, just in case.”

“I wouldn’t.” Lukas responds, almost offended that he would need to be told.

“Go back to the cabin.” Henry instructs.

Tears fill Lukas’ eyes. “How? I can’t act like things are normal. Renée is…” his eyes dart around again, as if expecting something or someone to pop up and create more chaos. To rip more away from them. “And what if they come back? ”

“They won’t.” Henry says firmly, a hint of irritation in his voice. “Maudie is your main concern right now. Okay? I’ll stay up tonight just in case.”

“Should we tell someone? Gabriel? About what happened? He’s our leader, the leader of our world. He can stop them from coming back.”

Henry puts his hands on his hips and sighs in frustration.

“We tell Gabriel, we don’t come back to the mortal world. We can handle those witches.”

“Can we, Henry? Can we handle them?” Lukas’ voice is high pitched as he asks the important question of the night. They’ve learned they absolutely cannot handle them.

“We know now, we know they’re not just weak bitter witches. I had no idea Claudia would show. I thought… damn it, Lukas, I don’t know what I thought! Claudia was always… some kind of myth. Some kind of story. I never expected them to turn up with a Grand High Witch. We stood no chance against the power she’d bring with her. We’ve been reckless and we’ve lost Renée because of it!” Henry drops his head.

Lukas walks away without further comment.

Henry quickly turns around as he hears the cabin door open and shut again. Toni takes a deep breath and rubs her eyes.

“Toni.”

But all she can do is march away and back to her own cabin, where she cries deep into the night.

Henry stands alone.

** *

Phoenix jolts awake on his bed, still in his suit. He sits up, his eyes darting around to every corner of the room. Something feels wrong. Something feels off.

Something… someone is missing.

It was a dream, wasn’t it? An awful dream.

He looks up and sees Henry leaning against his kitchen counter. Lukas sat with his head down looking out the cabin window.

“It didn’t…” Phoenix begins, but he knows it did. The thoughts confirmed as Henry drops his head and Lukas wipes a tear from his eye.

“Oh no.” He begins to cry as the panic sets in. Henry moves forward and hugs Phoenix. His hands tightly around his shoulder as if to stop him falling apart. He leans down kissing the top of his head.

“I am sorry, brother.”

“I should have gone in with her, why did you hold me back?” Phoenix shouts, pushing Henry away from him.

Lukas stands up ready to stop another commotion but nothing comes of it. Henry sighs. He expected an outburst.

“Because she’ll be back one day. You heard the witch; she’ll be back and you two are destined to find each other.”

“I don’t want to live another day.”

“You don’t want to wait for her?” Henry says softly as he crouches beside Phoenix. Lukas retreats to the corner and cries .

Phoenix lifts his head, directing his broken gaze at Henry.

“I’ll wait forever for her,” he says with confidence. “But everything I was before is gone. What am I going to do? I didn’t protect her, Henry. She died.” Phoenix drops to the bed again and curls up into a ball as he sobs. “She’s dead and it’s my fault!”

“It’s not your fault, Phoenix.” Lukas finally comes forward. He doesn’t want his friend blaming this on himself.

“It is!” Phoenix stands and begins pacing between the coffee table and bed. Until he breaks again. An almighty scream erupts from his mouth. He lobs everything off the coffee table in frustration. “Can you imagine if it was Maudie? Wouldn’t you hate yourself? Father or not, you’d blame yourself!”

Lukas drops his head. He knows his friend is right.

“She’s dead!” Phoenix sits and cries into his hands. Henry kneels to his level again after stepping back from his outburst.

“She might not be dead, Phoenix…”

“Isn’t that worse? If she’s not dead, then where is she? Are they hurting her? Is she afraid and wondering when I’ll come save her? I failed her.”

“You didn’t fail her.”

Phoenix ignores him. “I shouldn’t have let her out of the cabin, what was I thinking? I should have known after what happened with Maudie down by the river.”

“Phoenix, you didn’t know this would happen, none of us did. You think Renée would have listened to you if you had told her to stay here? ”

“Maybe.”

“You’ll drive yourself insane thinking of maybes.”

“I’m going to go insane anyway, Henry. Maybe we should try to open whatever they opened in the ground. I’ll go into it.”

“It was a fire pit,” Lukas reminds him. Phoenix looks at him with wild eyes, remembering the horror that Renée fell into. Jumping in wouldn’t bring her back.

“She’ll be back and we will wait.” Henry grabs Phoenix’s hands like he is a toddler to attempt to reassure him, to stop his friend having a panic attack.

“I’ll wait, but I’ll wait here. I’m sorry, this is over,” he says honestly. He doesn’t care if it upsets his friends.

“We’ll keep the circus going, Phoenix. A break is well needed for now, but we’ll start back up, it’s what she would have wanted. And we’ll help you, we’ll take over if you need us to.”

Phoenix nods as he collapses onto the sofa.

“I will stay with him tonight, get back to Maudie.” Henry pats Lukas on the shoulder.

“Is she gone?” he whispers.

“No, she’ll be back one day, we just need to… to wait.” Henry sighs and Lukas nods as he walks away.