Page 28 of The Wonder of You

“You can’t just leave, Cheri,” I plead. There is a sadness in her eyes, but it’s overpowered by her determination. She’s leaving and there is nothing any of us can do about it. I thought she was my friend, but more importantly, I thought she was a loving mother. I have no idea what Lukas will tell Maudie. When they met all those years ago, I was so thrilled for Lukas. He had been alone for so long and he wanted love. He deserved love. Cheri seemed so perfect for him and after years of happiness together, they finally got what they wanted. A baby. How can Cheri just leave their relationship? Just leave their eight-year-old daughter behind? Has she not really loved them after all this time?

“I don’t want this anymore, this circus, this…this relationship with him.” Her voice is so bitter. My heart drops for Lukas.

“Okay, but what about Maudie? Surely, she makes all of this worthwhile? She’s your little girl.” Pity fills me as I picture Maudie’s little face, her cheeky smile, her sweet giggle. I can’t even imagine walking away from her, how could her own mother do so? I love listening to her stories, the real ones and the made-up ones. She always has so many questions, always wanting to learn more about the mortal worlds and our immortal one.

Cheri takes a deep breath and I know her answer is going to hurt. I can see the way she is considering how she is going to say it, but eventually, she takes the brutal approach.

“No. I’m sorry Renée, but she isn’t worth this.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. The circus was never meant to be my entire life. It was just for fun and then I ended up being with… with a clown, and getting myself a clown daughter.” She laughs, and then she cries, but I can’t find it within myself to reach forward and comfort her. If this was just about Lukas, it wouldn’t be so bad. He’s an adult and he will find a way forward, but Maudie only gets one mum. She’ll have to learn to live with the heartbreak of her mum not loving her and that’s a scar that will never go away. I am truly happy I ran from my biological family, but it hurt that my dad didn’t really love me, that he was happy to sell me on.

Cheri continues.

“This life isn’t for me… surely this isn’t what you want, Renée? A circus? Painting rocks that no one wants to buy?”

Ouch.

“This is everything to me. Phoenix is everything to me. The others too.” I raise my head. I won’t let her try to tell me any different.

“That’s great for you , but Lukas is not everything for me. Goodbye, Renée.”

And with that she walks away without one glance back. Without even saying goodbye to her young daughter. I consider chasing her, but it isn’t my place to do so. Her decision is final .

I sigh as I look up at the night sky. Turning around to go back to the cabin I notice Lukas standing by one of the tents. I quickly walk over to him. He looks frozen. I fear if I touch him, he’ll smash onto the floor in a thousand tiny pieces. My heart breaks and I don’t think I have any words that could ever mend his own breaking heart. I reach forward for his hand.

“She’s gone, isn’t she? She really meant it.” A lone tear falls from his eye.

“I am so sorry Lukas. Is there anything I can do?”

“What about Maudie? How do I tell her?”

“I’m not sure, but you’re an amazing dad and you’ll figure it out. She’s so lucky to have you.”

He nods. He stands taller, quickly wiping the tear away and takes a deep breath.

“Yeah, I am, I wouldn’t ever leave her, it would never cross my mind. The fact that she could just leave…that’s wrong. It’s evil.”

I can’t defend Cheri anymore. Everything he says is true. A parent shouldn’t just up and leave their child without any valid explanation. Cheri has been selfish and she couldn’t even offer a goodbye.

“I sort of knew, I guess, that she didn’t really love me anymore. I think I was desperate to hold onto her. I wanted the love that you and Phoenix have. I see the way you look at each other and it’s just...” He falls silent.

“Lukas…”

“It’s okay.” He takes a deep breath. “I am gutted, I really am, but it wasn’t meant to be. And anyway, she left me the greatest gift in the world. Maudie is everything to me. If being her father is all I’ll ever be, then that’s all I’ll ever be. No woman will top that.”

I smile.

“I got this,” he says as he looks up at the sky. There are tears threatening to fall from his eyes again, but this time they don’t. I choose not to respond because I know he’s saying it to himself as much as anyone else.

“Unless you want to swap that ringmaster of yours for a clown?” he jokes. We both laugh and I love seeing his strength. Whether it’s his own or it’s all built around Maudie, I know he will be okay.

The show will go on.