Page 93 of Save You

James looks up into my eyes and then down again, as if he doesn’t know how to defend himself against me.

“And at the same time, I’m wondering…” I pause.

James waits, still looking at me.“What are you wondering?”he asks after a while.

“I’m wondering how things are going to work out.For you,” I whisper.“For you and your dad, I mean.With him telling youhow to live your life, and you letting him drive you into a corner where you don’t want to be.”

James lowers his eyes and stares at the car footwells, as if there’s something fascinating to see there.He takes a deep breath.And another.After a while, he slowly shakes his head.

“It’s not just about him,” he begins after a while, his voice rough.“Everything comes down to Beaufort’s, Ruby.It’s not just Dad’s life’s work that I’m going to inherit.”I gulp hard as he glances up again and looks straight at me.“I…I don’t want to disappoint my mum.”

I inhale sharply.

I’d never thought of that.Of course his mum’s death has changed things.I spent the whole time thinking that everything would work out fine so long as James could follow his own dreams, rather than his father’s.But now I realize that that isn’t what matters anymore.James isn’t only tied to Beaufort’s by his dad.The main person keeping him there now is his mum.

“You won’t disappoint your mum,” I whisper.

“But what if I do?What if I can’t do this?”The expression in his eyes is one I’ve never seen on him before: fear.It flickers on his face and seems suddenly to fill the massive car.

“I’m there for you,” I say.Only four words, but at this moment, I’m putting everything I can into those few syllables.

James gives me a long look.He seems to understand everything else I’m trying to say.Gradually, the sheer panic fades from his face, to be replaced by tenderness and the warmth that’s been in his eyes for me all evening.

The next moment, James takes my hand.He links his fingers into mine and squeezes gently.

“And I’m there for you.Whatever happens.”

I let myself sink back and lean my head against his shoulder.

It’s a little easier to breathe now.

We can do this.

James

It’s after half past one when a loud crash startles me awake.I jerk upright so fast that the e-reader falls off the bed and lands on the floor, but that’s the least of my worries.I run at top speed over the landing to Lydia’s room.But when I fling her door open, she’s just sitting up in bed, rubbing her tired eyes.

“Are you OK?”I ask.

She nods.“What was that?”

“Must have been Dad,” I reply, feeling my pulse quicken.

I don’t want to go downstairs.

I don’t want to know what else he’s smashed.

I don’t want to fucking worry about him.

Everything in me is yelling at me to go back to bed, but I head down the stairs.Another crash.Whatever Dad’s up to, he’s in the dining room.

I creep quietly down the hall.The closer I get, the more clearly I can hear him.He’s mumbling something; he sounds like he’s angry with somebody.Could it be Mary or Percy?

Just before I get to the dining room, I press myself against the wall with the door on my left.

“You bitch,” my father slurs.“You shouldn’t have done it.”

I frown and creep closer.Who the hell is he talking to?