Page 30 of Save You

James

School is just dragging on and on today.If I weren’t so worried about Lydia, I’d have skipped off by now.Lessons go at a snail’s pace, and I couldn’t care less what the teachers are saying.At break and lunch, people are practically queuing up to offer me their condolences, which I’m sure are kindly meant, but after a while, it starts pissing me off so much that I tell poor Roger Cree to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.After that, word gets round that it’s safer not to get too close to me just yet.

The worst point of the day comes at the start, though, when I bump into Ruby before first period.We both freeze—her on one side of the corridor and me on the other—and look at each other.

Ihateyou for that.But I love you too, and that’s making the whole thing way harder.I remember what she told me.

She’s the first to look away.Without a word, she walks past and disappears into her classroom.The whole encounter lasts ten seconds max, but it feels like a lifetime.

From then on, all I can think of is Ruby and what she said on New Year’s Eve.

She loves me.

She fuckinglovesme.

It feels like there’s a gaping wound in my chest that just won’t close up.I want to respect her decision, but seeing her and knowing that I’ve lost her is killing me.

After school, I can’t get out of the building fast enough.Hands in pockets, I hurry outside, eyes fixed straight ahead.

Percy opens the car door for me and I mumble “thanks” as I get in.

Lydia is already there, looking exactly how I feel.

I let myself sink back, shut my eyes, and lean my head against the seat.

“Tiring, huh?”I hear Lydia say quietly.

I hate how cautious her voice is.Like she’s afraid even to speak to me.I know that that’s my own fault, but at the same time, I’m aware of how screwed up it is that my own sister no longer dares talk to me.I eye the minibar.I’ve gone a long time without a drink, but after that shit day, the need to numb my senses—no matter how—is taking hold.

I don’t answer, just reach forward and open the little door.But before I can reach for the bottle, Lydia grabs my wrist.

“You’re not getting off your face now just because you’ve had a crappy day,” she says, keeping her voice deliberately calm.

She’s right; I know that.But I ignore her and try, gently but firmly, to prize her hand away.No such luck.She’s got her fingers dug into my arm.I jerk it away from her.Lydia slips forward, catapulting her bag onto the floor of the car.

“Idiot,” she snarls, immediately starting to pick up her stuff, which is now all over the place.

I sigh and bend down to help.“Sorry.I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Lydia presses her lips together as she gathers her belongings, her movements jittery.I pick up a couple of pens and hold them out to her.She takes them without looking at me.Then I pick up her planner, a few tampons, and a round white plastic tub thatlooks like it’s got chewing gum in it.The lid has come loose and I’m about to close it properly when I catch sight of the label.

Prenatal Vitamin Supplements: Folic Acid, Omega-3 DHA, Calcium, and Vitamin D

Lemon, raspberry, and orange flavor

It also features a picture of a woman’s silhouette as she holds her rounded bump.

It feels like Percy’s just driven straight over a pothole, but we’re still in the parking lot.Blood roars in my ears.

“What’s this?”I croak, looking up from the tub to Lydia, then back again.

All the blood drains from my sister’s cheeks and she stares at me, wide-eyed.

“What is this, Lydia?”I repeat, my voice firmer this time.

“I…” Lydia just shakes her head.

I read the label again and again.I understand all the words, but they don’t make sense.I look back at Lydia and open my mouth to ask the same question again when…