Page 110 of Save You

Ember

I feel like a traitor.

My gaze darts to the clock, to the counter and the barista behind it, to my cappuccino, and back to the café door.Then the cycle begins again.And again.

Every minute seems to pass more slowly than the one before.

I’ve missed a whole period of school now.I’ve never felt this guilty before, not even when Mum caught me pinching a scone from the counter in the bakery after she’d said I couldn’t have one.

But this is a million times worse.This time, I’m doing something really wrong.

The excitement builds and I can hardly keep still.I fidget in my chair, wondering if the cappuccino was a bad idea.I don’t drink much coffee, really, but I got so little sleep last night, I thought the caffeine would do me good.Probably would have been better off without.

Ten more minutes.

I ask myself if I can hold out.I think about packing up my stuff, getting up, and walking out, only to reappear in thirteenminutes like I’ve only just arrived.But even I think that’s a bit over-the-top.

It’s crazy what nerves are doing to me.

I don’t normally get this worked up about anything.But then, I don’t normally go behind my parents’ back, skip school, and meet up with a boy I don’t even really know.

I flick absently through the pile of leaflets and forms for grants and bursaries.There are Post-its in some of them where Ruby’s highlighted important information, and I’m sure the color scheme is deeply significant.

The bell over the café door rings.I look up—and suddenly everything around me goes into slow motion.

He actually came.

His eyes sweep over the people in the café.His brows crease into a frown for a moment, then he spots me at the table by the wall.I give a hesitant wave.His forehead smooths for a second and his lips curl into a smile.

He strolls slowly toward me.

He’s wearing a black leather jacket with wide lapels over a gray T-shirt with a pocket on the chest, dark jeans, and heavy boots.It’s a great look, effortlessly stylish.This is the first time I’ve seen him not wearing a suit—I was wondering how he dresses in his free time.

The half smile doesn’t fade from his face as he takes the chair opposite me.

My heart is racing.There’s so much darkness in his eyes that I want to get to the bottom of.So much that I’mgoingto get to the bottom of.

“Morning, Ember,” says Wren Fitzgerald.

A smile slowly spreads over my lips.

1

Lydia

James is drunk.Or coked-up.Or both.

It’s been three days since anyone could really talk to him.He’s just been on one long bender in our sitting room, draining bottle after bottle and acting like nothing’s happened.I don’t understand how he can be like this.Apparently, he’s not even interested in the fact that our family is now in ruins.

“I think it’s his way of grieving.”

I give Cyril a sideways glance.He’s the only other person who knows what’s happened.I told him at his party, the night that James got off his face and snogged Elaine in front of Ruby’s very eyes.Somebody had to help me get James home without either Percy or Dad spotting the state he was in.Our families are close friends, so Cy and I have known each other since we were kids.And even though Dad made me promise not to tell anyone about Mum before the official press release goes out, I know I can trust him and that he’ll keep the secret—even from Wren, Keshav, and Alistair.

I couldn’t have got through the last few days without his help.He convinced Dad to leave James alone for a bit and told the lads not to ask questions for the time being.They’re sticking to that, although I get the impression that with every passing day, they’re finding it harder and harder to watch James destroying himself.

While my brother is doing his very best to shut off his brain, all I can do is wonder how I’m meant to cope.My mum is dead.Graham’s mum died seven years ago.The baby growing inside me isn’t going to have a granny.

Seriously.That’s the thought running through my head on a perpetual ticker.Instead of grieving, I’m wrestling with the fact that my child will never know the embrace of a loving grandmother.What the hell is wrong with me?