Page 39 of Save You

I don’t know whether he’s pleased or freaking out.As I hold him, I wonder whether I’ve got an email too.The old Lydia would be running to her phone now, like a woman obsessed, to see if she’d been accepted too.The new Lydia, on the other hand, doesn’t want to know if she’s just been handed a future that she can’t go through with either way.

I squeeze James a little tighter, happy that things are going to plan for at least one of us.

James

“I don’t need to tell you that we have been through a difficult period lately.But from here on, we can look forward, not back.Because that’s what Cordelia would have wanted.”

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes.My father has no idea what Mum would have wanted.Certainly not this performance that he’s putting on right now.

It’s his first official speech as CEO to the Beaufort board and heads of departments, and he’s got them all eating out of his hand.There are twelve men and women in total, hanging on to his every word with hopeful faces, while I’m sitting here on one side of the long conference table, wondering how I can sneak out my phone without attracting attention.

“If we all pull together, we can help each other out of thedepths of our emotions and put Beaufort’s on the front foot once more.There will be a few changes to face in the months ahead, and I am counting on you all for support.And at this point, I would like to offer you my thanks in advance.Because you are our most crucial asset, it is more than ever important to me that, in the months ahead, I will be able to draw on your expertise.”

I slip my hand into my trouser pocket and pull out my phone.Over the last couple of hours, the lads have been bombarding me with messages, trying to get me to come out for a drink this evening.It’s my first day on the Beaufort board and, in their world, that’s something worth celebrating.

But I’m not in the mood to party.I know that I should make the most of my friends while they’re all here because in the future we won’t have so many opportunities.And they’re already pissed at me for only training twice a week now.

All the same, there’s only one person I want to see tonight.

And that person has been ghosting me for weeks because I pushed her away.

OK, so I see Ruby at school all the time, but I miss her.

I want her to be able to look at me again without the pain making her flinch.

I want to be able to talk to her, whenever and wherever.

I want to know if she got an offer from Oxford.

“Nothing about the corporate culture of Beaufort’s will change after the death of my wife,” my father plows on.“She is the foundation that our success is built on.When Cordelia and I first met, she told me what it meant to join this company, and it is my intention to honor her memory.”

Applause rings out.I clap my hands twice, then sneak aglance at the message that’s just come in from Cyril.We’re at Wren’s.When tf are you coming?He adds a photo of them all sticking up their middle fingers.

Looks like I don’t have a choice.I’ve got to join them after this meeting.I’ve ditched them too often lately, and it won’t hurt to take my mind off things.Off this situation.And, mainly, off Ruby.Whatever I do, she’s always in my head.She’s the only person who’d get how I hate sitting here and listening to Dad talk about how he’ll manage Mum’s life’s work.I told Ruby everything that night in Oxford.Those are thoughts I won’t even let myself think, and it was the first time I’d ever said them out loud.

Ruby understood.She didn’t talk about my sense of duty or what my name means.She listened to me and encouraged me.Encouraged me to think about a future of my own.

The longer I sit here, the more I long to see Ruby.And the more often I tell myself that it’s impossible, the stronger that yearning gets.

I have to see her.

I just have to.

“I am not just speaking for myself here.My son, James, who, as of now, will be learning the ropes for his future position at Beaufort’s and, incidentally, received an offer from Oxford this week, also shares my ambitions.”

I look up at the sound of my name and the subsequent applause.There are some friendly nods, but other board members are very well aware that I’ve got my phone in my hand under the table and are pulling disapproving faces.I stare coolly back at them, not putting my phone away.

“Would you like to say a few words, James?”asks my father.

I look at him, trying not to reveal my surprise.He didn’tmention anything before the meeting about me making a speech.His expression is unwavering and as cold as ice.If I don’t speak up now, there’ll be hell to pay.

Fucking arsehole.He knew perfectly well that I wouldn’t have come if he’d told me in advance that he was planning to parade me like a racehorse.So he just threw me under the bus.

I stand up slowly, slipping my phone back into my pocket.I squint at my untouched glass of water and regret not having drunk anything earlier.As I look around the room, my throat is tight.I’ve known some of these people since I was a kid, but there are others I only met at Mum’s funeral.

I clear my throat.It feels like my mind and body are totally separate as words that mean nothing at all emerge from my lips.

“If my mother were here today, she would be proud to see the drive and determination that you are putting into our company.”