Page 180 of Save You

I want tolovehim.

Even after two months, the all-encompassing longing for him hasn’t faded.On the contrary, it’s grown stronger, day after day.And there’s nothing I can do about that.

“I feel the same,” I whisper.

He makes a quiet, despairing sound, and the next moment, he pulls me to him.He wraps his arms around me tight as my eyes start to sting and tears run down my cheeks.James mumbles something into my hair.And although I don’t catch the words, I know deep inside me what they mean.

James

I don’t know how long we stand there like that.At some point, I find myself semi-sitting on the desk surface with Ruby leaning against me.My heart is hammering so hard in my chest that I feel sure she must be able to hear it.Her arms are tight around my waist and her face is buried in my shoulder.Her tears slowly dried up, but I can still feel the damp patches they left.

I breathe in deeply, and the familiar, sweet scent of Ruby fills my nose.I can’t believe this is really happening.At this second, my life is no longer a shambles.Everything feels right.I could stand like this forever.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I murmur after a while, my lips brushing her hairline.I would love to let them roam somewhere else—but I won’t let that happen.I’m not going to kiss her.Not now, not today.That isn’t why I came here.

“I missed you too,” she answers, equally quietly, and my heart leaps.

I stroke Ruby’s back, one big circle, and then a smaller one.The thin blouse feels so soft to the touch.And so likeher.

“I’m sorry for what I said when I came before.I didn’t mean to put anything on you.”I get the feeling that I need to say that again, one more time.

“I’m sorry too.I shouldn’t have been so mean.”

I shake my head right away.“You weren’t mean.What you said was right.I don’t want to be a burden on you.That’s not how a relationship works,” I reply.

At the word “relationship,” Ruby raises her head and pulls away from me slightly.Her watchful eyes are on me, and my next words just flood out by themselves.

“It’s just that…When I see you, I feel like everything in my life is going right.It feels like I’m at home—really at home, I mean.I’ve never felt like that before, Ruby.With anyone.You gave me the feeling that I’m not alone.And that’s what I missed most of all.This feeling of…being whole.”

Ruby’s breath catches.

“I don’t know if that even makes sense,” I add.

“It makes sense,” Ruby says.“Of course it makes sense.”

“I don’t want you to feel that I’m pressuring you.”

Ruby’s gaze strokes over my face.I’m sure that my cheeks are as flush as hers.I feel warm, and I’ve been fighting the tears too.But Ruby isn’t looking at me like she finds that cringe, or thinks I’m an idiot.

There’s a warmth in her green eyes that pierces right through me.She is looking right inside me and I know that she understands everything.

That’s what Ruby’s like.She finds solutions to the hardest tasks.She finds meaning where there isn’t any.And now she’s finding something in me that moves her to fling her arms around me.

“I don’t,” she whispers.“Not anymore.”

The next moment, she stands on tiptoe.She looks me in the eyes for a heartbeat.And then she kisses me.

I give a muffled exclamation of surprise.For a moment, I don’t even know what’s going on, and I grab hold of the desk with one hand as my fingers tighten their clutch on her back of their own accord.

Ruby comes closer still until there’s no space left between us.

This wasn’t my goal when I came here.But now she’s kissing me and her hands are on my body and she’s so close that I’m losing my mind…

“James?”Ruby leans back a little and looks uncertainly at me.It’s only now that I realize I’d been too overwhelmed by the situation to kiss her back.

“I…”

Suddenly, Ruby’s eyes widen and she puts a little distance between us.She swallows hard and shakes her head.“I’m sorry.I thought…I shouldn’t have…”