Page 160 of Save You

Hank leads us back to the counter, where I fill out three forms, and he gives me a little instruction book.After that, the three of us carry the box out to the boot of Mum’s car.I’m glad to be back out in the fresh air.It’s gloriously cool on my hot cheeks.

On the way back, I put the radio on again, a little louder this time.Why on earth did I think it would be a good idea to ask James to come along?I should have realized how hard it would be to be this close to him for such a long time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see James unbutton his coat and unwind his scarf.

“If you’re too hot, I can turn the heater down a bit,” I say with an effort.

“Ruby.”The way he whispers my name is so familiar.

I grip the steering wheel, trying my hardest to focus on the road.The air between us feels more highly charged than ever, but I’m desperately fighting that down.

The lights ahead of us turn red, and I slowly brake, rolling the car up to the stop line.Then I dare to glance in his direction.James looks at me and I can see countless emotions in his eyes,which make me long to reach for him, to hug him, to hold him tight.

“I just wanted to say that I’m—”

“Please don’t.”I cut him off pleadingly, shaking my head.

He clenches his teeth so hard that a muscle in his jaw starts to twitch.We look at each other for a moment, and there are so many unspoken words between us.

But I can’t talk to him now.It’s just not possible.Not when I get the feeling that I’m about to cave in.

The next moment, James turns his face away again and looks straight ahead.“It’s green.”

I put my foot down.The drive to school has never felt longer.

17

Ruby

“I think I’d prefer it a bit mintier,” Ember says thoughtfully.

I drag the cursor further left and upward over the color field, lightening the moss green and taking it in a bluer direction.“Like this?”

My sister gives a grunt of agreement.I save the color and click on preview in WordPress so that we can admire our handiwork.

Ember has been rebranding her blog,Bellbird, with a new logo, a more modern WordPress theme, and a fresh color palette.Her latest post is right at the top—a guide to ethical plus-size fashion—and below that are three smaller windows with thumbnails showing her most popular articles.On the right-hand side are links to her social media profiles and a photo of her that I took last summer.She’s standing in a meadow of flowers, wearing a floral, summery maxi dress with a plunging neckline.I remember the exact moment a grasshopper jumped onto her and I snapped her screaming and trying to shake it off—it was hilarious.Sadly, she didn’t choose that one as her profile picture; she went for onewhere she’s laughing happily and stroking a strand of hair off her face.Beneath it, she’s written:

Hi, I’m Ember!I’m a plus-size fashion blogger who loves words and cake, and I find inspiration in everything beautiful.I hope you enjoy reading my blog!

“It looks great,” I say, impressed.“Really professional.”

“You say that every time,” Ember replies, scanning the page with narrowed eyes.When it comes to her blog, she’s as much of a perfectionist as I am with my bullet journal.

“I know, but it’s true.”I browse her latest outfit posts.Even though I took the photos myself, I could look at them again and again.Ember looks so beautiful.For the zillionth time, I wish Mum and Dad weren’t so critical of social media.They’re worried that Ember might reveal too much personal information, but she takes an impressively professional approach toBellbird.These days, she even has a couple of brands that she works with regularly who send her clothes.

“Oh, by the way,” my sister says suddenly, “I saw a dress that could have been made for you.You still need one for the gala, don’t you?”

I nod.“Show me.”

She turns the laptop toward her slightly and her tiny desk wobbles dangerously.I hastily grab my glass of orange juice to stop it tipping over.We’ve been sitting here side by side, working on her blog for two hours now, with Frank Ocean’s melodic voice coming from the little speakers in her laptop.

Ember opens one of her bookmarks and we watch together asthe page loads slowly, eventually revealing a dress that makes me breathe a sigh.It’s black, with a V-neck, and it’s in some flowing fabric, fitted at the waist and then falling in soft waves from the hips.

“Are there any more pictures?”I ask, but at that moment I catch sight of the price.“Oh, God.It costs over two hundred pounds,” I stutter, raising a finger to shut the window.“Why would you show me a thing like that?”

Ember catches my hand and grins at me.“Not for us, it doesn’t.The company is offering me a collaboration.”

I hesitate.I know that Ember gets a lot of offers of collaboration with shops these days, but that doesn’t mean she has to accept every one of them.