Page 96 of Like You Want It

To live in constant fear of what’s next.

To be so unsure of where I stand.

So I dipped into the account left for me by my mom for the first time, and I bought one of those iPads with the art pencils. And I started messing around. Seeing if I could draw anything that would work.

I’ve always known I could draw. My mom was the truly gifted artist, but I did learn something from her. My teachers in high school told me I could go to art school if I wanted to, but after a semester at the community college, I knew formal education wasn’t going to be the route for me.

There’s a character I’ve been drawing since junior high, though. He’s taken on different forms over the years, but he’s gotten more developed and more consistent over the past three years or so.

His name is Oswald the Optimist.

Oswald is a skunk and has no friends and comes from a really cranky, stinky family.

My favorite art teacher asked me to explain the character, and I said that Oswald represented how we often feel about ourselves. That we’re friendless, not good enough, total messes. Essentially? That we stink.

But if we are going to be happy in this one life we’re given, it’s a choice we have to make on our own. Independent of the choices of everyone else. Free from the expectations or obstacles we face.

So Oswald decides to be an optimist, even though his whole family is pessimistic. Even though everyone thinks he’s stinky and he’s usually alone.

He chooses to live the life he wants. A happy one.

I think my art teacher might have related to my sweet little Ossy, because she got a little teary at my explanation.

And now?

I’m hoping to turn Oswald the Optimist into a main character for a set of cards. Sassy cards that are optimistic in the face of all the shit life can throw at you.

Did you know that you’re fucking amazing?

Sometimes you just have to choose to happy dance, even if it’s raining.

And then there’s my personal favorite:

You’re the best! (I asked everyone. We took a vote. The only one who wasn’t on board was Ted, but fuck that guy.)

I don’t know if this will go anywhere. And I’m terrified that I’ll submit something to someone and they’ll reject it.

But I guess that’s what all of life is. It’s what my boy Ossy represents.

Putting yourself out there, your best foot forward, and hoping you’re received well.

Being thankful when you are.

And when you’re not?

Dusting yourself off and trying again.

With a smile.