Page 65 of Like You Want It

God, was that just last night?

My feet want me to move closer, get a better look. But before I can embarrass myself, he dives into the pool with a grace I wouldn’t have expected from someone his size.

“You know, Fin was three-time All-American in swimming in high school, lettered all four years.”

“Really?” I say, my eyes wide as he floats around in the pool, his face turned skyward. “I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that he became a Navy SEAL, huh?”

Peter smiles. “He broke a few records at the Academy, and he even did trials for the 2008 Olympics.”

My eyes widen. “Really? That’s so cool.”

He opens his mouth to continue but Carol takes a seat on the lounger next to mine and gives her husband a faux scolding look. “Peter, are you going on about Fin’s swimming?”

He looks at his wife, his eyes warm and happy. “You know I love a chance to brag.”

I look back at where Fin is now playing with Nell, lifting her high and then dipping her in. The action showcases the muscles he has spent his entire life honing and building.

“Can I ask you something?” Carol asks, pulling my attention towards her.

I flush, wondering if she caught me leering at her son.

“Absolutely,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t want to talk to me about Fin.

“Has Susie talked to you much about her life recently?”

I let out a quiet relieved sigh and give her a nod. “Yeah, I’ve gotten a pretty clear description of what’s been going on.”

Carol nods back, her eyes drifting over to watch her son, daughter and granddaughter giggle and float in the pool.

“It’s so hard watching your children make choices that have such negative consequences. I mean, we’re lucky to have Nell, absolutely. But everything else…” She stops herself, clears her throat, then looks at me again. “Do you think she’s doing okay? As an outsider looking in?”

I give her a reassuring smile. “Carol, I think she’s doing fantastic. She seemshappy.And it is so clear that she wants to get her life back together for Nell.” I look over at Susie then, who has taken Nell back from Fin. She’s twirling her in a circle and Nell squeals with joy, followed by a huge laugh emanating from her itty-bitty body. “She loves her so much.”

When I turn back to Carol, she’s batting away a tear but giving me a firm smile.

“It makes me happy to hear that. And to know she has someone who cares about her living next door. But I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes.”

My heart breaks a little for Carol. It must be such a hard thing as a parent to watch your children make poor choices, and even harder making the active decision to allow them to make their own mistakes. I guess, when you become a parent, you have to hope your job was done well enough that your children hopefullylearnfrom those mistakes instead of repeating them.

But in the same breath, I can see how there are parents who choose to treat normal life experiences like they’re the biggest mistakes in the world, and can never seem to let it go.

My dad, for instance. He acts like my choice not to go to college is more serious than how Carol views Susie’s old heroin addiction. And he just can’t let it rest.

I read somewhere – probably inPeople Magazine,so I don’t know how much weight I should rest on this – that when parents struggle to let go of the things they want for their children, it’s because their expectations are being let down, along with all of the dreams that came along with them.

I can understand that. Completely.

My dad probably pictured me becoming someone important in the world, getting a degree and doing something meaningful. And instead, I work at a coffee shop. So his hopes that I’ll make a difference in the world have been shattered.

But I feel like each parent who has been let down has to accept that what they want isn’t going to happen. They need to shift gears, change directions, refresh, or whatever else works for them, and then start getting excited for their child on this new path, this new vein of self-discovery and what can possibly come from it.

Otherwise, they’ll spend the rest of their lives living in thewhat could have beeninstead of in thewhat can be.

And that – my dad’s inability to just let go of the college balloon and allow it to float off into the atmosphere and pop over someone’s house – is what I don’t understand.

At all.

We all struggle with disappointment. We all feel let down. But if we don’t pick up and keep moving forward, we won’t ever find that next thing that excites us. That lights up our soul.