Page 137 of Like You Want It

EPILOGUE

FIN

… three months later …

“How did you even find this?” Carly asks me as she takes in my contribution to the party.

I shrug, then glance at Dina, who gives me a wink.

“I bet Susie is through the roof about this,” she adds on. “The pictures she’ll be able to take with this are going to be insane.”

“That’s the plan.”

I cross my arms and look at the full-size unicorn cutout that I just finished setting up for Nell’s birthday.

Dina’s really the one that found it, but I’m happy to take the credit if she’s willing to share.

I mean, who the hell throws a unicorn-themed birthday party for a two-year-old baby. Like she’s really going to remember any of this.

I’ve been putting up a pretty big fight about this party ever since Susie and Carly told me about their plan. But now that I’m seeing everything coming together – horns for everyone to wear, rainbow cupcakes, decorated ice cream cones, and tons of pink and blue and yellow balloons – I guess I can get behind it.

Today is Nell’s second birthday party, and we’re celebrating in style at my parents’ place in San Diego. A full pool party, with decorations and cake and presents.

But today isn’tjustNell’s birthday. It’s also the day that Susie gets to take Nell home with her full-time.

It’s a huge day for Susie. Something she’s been working towards for a year and a half, now. NA meetings, therapy, paying restitution, keeping clean.

I’m so proud of my sister and what she’s accomplished.

But there’s a sting of pain that I’m dealing with, too.

As much as I’d like to pretend that the unicorn theme is what has had me paddling through a pit of frustration, I’ve started to see that what I’mactuallyupset about is Nell moving out of my house.

I mean, she’s just a baby. And I’ll still get to see her all the time. But the wounds from my past run deep, and I’m still wading through them. Trying to sort everything out.

Which is why Carly suggested a party at my parents’ house instead of at home. She told me that if we did it at my house, I’d be left cleaning up decorations in a pool of tears as Susie and Nell drive away.

This way, it’s neutral ground, and we’ll all head back to our neck of the woods together.

“How are you feeling?” Carly asks me as we lounge in the shade a little while later, just the two of us.

Everyone else is in the pool, except for my dad, who is manning the BBQ station and preparing lunch for everyone.

I shrug, my eyes watching my family.

It’s something I’ve been working through at therapy. My fear of letting Nell go. My trepidation of what’s to come in the future.

“It’s gonna be hard, but it’s the hard stuff that makes us grow, right?”

Carly nods in agreement, her tiny hand stroking down my arm and linking my fingers in hers.

Then she leans over and gives me a kiss.

“Alright, you two, get a fucking room, would you?” Noah’s voice comes sailing across the backyard from where he’s floating on an inner tube in the pool.

“Noah, you watch your mouth when there are children around!” My mom’s shrill reprimand has us all cracking up.

Although it’s Nell’s pronouncement offuckeeeeenthat has all of us bending over, practically dying with laughter. Even my mom, though she’s trying so hard to stay angry.