Page 138 of Like You Want It

Having Carly slowly become a part of my family has been amazing, in every way. She’s this ball of sunshine that helps keep things upbeat and happy when my family has had a history of struggling to focus on the positive.

My mom loves her. Absolutely loves her. And my dad is sold, too. Noah keeps his opinions to himself. For the most part. And obviously Susie thinks she’s great.

I feel pretty lucky to have snagged her. That I get to call her mine. My sunshine. We’ve gotten pretty serious. I mean, I knew it was serious when I went to her, basically begging for her to give me another chance to love her.

She was so gracious. So open. So kind. So forgiving.

And she proves to me every day that those are just pieces of who she is as a person. There’s no ulterior motive. No manipulation or dishonesty.

She wears her heart on her sleeve for me every day.

And I make sure to take care of the piece of her that she is willing to make so vulnerable.

I remember the night when I realized I was going to marry her. We’d only been officially dating for a few weeks and were sitting at Susie’s watching a movie. She got up to grab a glass of water and I made some joke. Something stupid that I can’t remember. And Carly laughedsohard that she could barely breathe.

And I was struck then. Hit over the head with something. I couldn’t remember ever thinking someone looked so beautiful. Couldn’t believe that I was lucky enough to have her joy and happiness fill the dark spaces in my life.

And then I looked her in the eyes and said “I’m gonna spend the rest of my life watching you laugh, you know that?”

She loves to tell that story. Swoons about it all the time. I don’t even know what it was that I did so well, but apparently, that’s how you woo someone – her words, not mine.

I love her so much that sometimes, I can’t even keep all of my feelings inside. They just bubble over, without my permission.

“Thank you, Carly Palmer,” I say, squeezing her hand.

She giggles, pushing her sunglasses up to the crown of her head, then gives me a very serious face. “You’re welcome, Griffin Callaghan.”

I smile at her, unable to look away, and damn if she isn’t everything…

“So, just for clarification, what are you thanking me for?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“For loving me.”

She blushes slightly, nibbles on her lip. “How could I not?”

It still stuns me sometimes, when I really think about it. When I think back to how I felt when we first met eight months ago. Back when I was just a new neighbor’s brother.

I want to say I was living a life in an empty shell. But that’s not true. The shell was full. Full of self-loathing and fears and anger. So much anger.

Now, it’s so different.

My life isn’t as stable or organized or black and white as it was years ago.

It’s pretty crazy.

Imperfect.

Messy.

But it’s full of love and happiness and joy.

Full of the things in life that make you feel like what you’re doing every day leads to something bigger.

It blows my mind when I think about the joy we experience on a daily basis, how that joy fans out and fills up the space around us.

Loving myself has given me Carly.

And Carly has given me everything else.