Page 103 of Like You Want It

Noah clenches his jaw and looks away. “Just try to remember this time that your sister is more important than a quick fuck,” he says. Then that glint of mischief takes over his face. “Or a long, slow one, if I remember Ashley correctly.”

I consider popping him in the jaw.

Right then.

Just laying him out flat on my deck.

But there’s a part of me that thinks he wants it. That he knows he deserves to have his ass beat for sleeping with his brother’s wife.

Instead, though, I just shake my head. “I’m not going to give you the fight you clearly want right now.”

Noah’s expression shifts, a spark of frustration and anger creeping through. But there’s pain there too.

“So you’ll need to go find it elsewhere. Butnotfucking tonight.” I point at my sister. “Look at your baby sister. Have youeverseen her this happy? In her entire life?”

His eyes flit in Susie’s direction.

“Focus on someone other than yourself. Foronce.”

“Me?” he grits back at me, stepping closer, his whole body poised for the attack. “I don’t know where this self-righteous act came from, but I’m not the one who thinks only of himself, here, okay?”

“Oh you’re not? Really?” I counter, leaning in to get closer to his ear. “Are you taking care of your niece? Your sister?”

He bristles. “One act of sacrifice doesn’t make a selfless man.”

I cross my arms. “That’s right. When it comes to making good choices, you have to make them over and over again to build yourself into a good person.” Then I point a finger at him. “Butonemorally questionable thing?Onesimple act of dishonesty?”

He winces, looks away.

“It can take away every good thing you’ve ever done. Completely decimate your character. Rip your family to shreds.”

My stomach tightens when I realize I’m letting my anger get the best of me. My frustration with my brother and his stupid choices leading my focus.

And I promised myself I would try not to let that be something I allow anymore.

I slap a hand on his shoulder, startling him slightly. Then I squeeze. “I want to fucking forgive you, Noah. Iwantfor us to be brothers again. For you to be able tofuck aroundwith me again. But I can’t do that if you keep fighting with me. Keep allowing your ego to shove shit into my face. It’s going to take time for me to trust you again. But you have to decide you actuallywantthat before it can happen.”

Noah stands in silence, his expression tight and uncomfortable. And when I realize he isn’t going to say anything else, I pat him twice on that same shoulder, then let go.

And then we both stand there, on the deck, behind the refreshment table, watching Carly, Susie, mom, dad and Nell as they watchThe Outsiders.

It’s the closest my brother and I have come to hanging out for an extended period of time in years.

But I guess we all have to start somewhere.

«««« »»»»

“You don’t have to do that,” I say, catching Carly doing dishes in my kitchen once Noah and my parents have hit the road.

She looks up at me with a smile. “I know, but doing dishes is like therapy for me. The slow methodical way you have to wash things to get everything off.” She shrugs. “My therapist tells me she’s worth more than a dish that doesn’t talk back. But I figure it gives me time to reflect.”

“You go to therapy?” I ask.

She nods, her smile not faltering in the slightest. “Yep. Have since my mom died. I hated the woman my dad sent me to. So I switched once I moved out.” She grabs a rag and starts drying dishes she just finished. “And now I love my therapist. Her name is Misty. And she’s been helping me figure out who the hell I am.”

I’ve never heard someone talk about therapy so openly. I remember when I was a kid and my mom was mandated into therapy or counseling or something the military does after you’ve been through a traumatic experience. She hated it. Complained about it every chance she got.

Maybe that’s why Susie doesn’t like to talk about the fact that she goes to weekly meetings for addicts, mandated by a judge.