Page 83 of Like You Want It

On the last Sunday of the month, I usually have dinner with my dad and brother at the house I grew up in. Truth be told, I’ve missed the past two months, so I could have skipped it if I wanted to.

But I’d gotten a bit cowardly, opting to text Susie on Sunday afternoon to let her know I wouldn’t be able to make dinner that night instead of possibly facing the man who wasn’t interested enough to step outside of that wall he built around himself.

I felt shitty. But every woman has to have some sort of control over her boundaries, and mine are currently all the fuck over the place.

I just have to make sure that I don’t let my friendship with Susie slip at all in the wake of Fin’s behavior.

She’s my friend, and I don’t want her to ever worry about what our friendship means, regardless of Fin.

“How are you doing today?” she asks, a bit of a question in her eyes.

I nod, giving her a real smile and coming around the counter to wrap her into a big hug. “Better now that you’re here.”

There’s a flicker of relief I see, something I don’t quite understand. But I take it as a good thing, then spin around and return to the space behind the counter.

“What can I get you?”

“Oh nothing,” she says. “I just wanted to come in and say hi. See where your shop is since I still haven’t made the time to come over and check everything out.” Her eyes flit around, taking in the brick walls and tchotchke decorations.

I allow myself to glance briefly at Fin, wondering what’s on his mind. But his eyes are firmly on the display of cookies and diminishing supply of muffins.

“This place is really cute.” Susie shifts Nell to her other hip. “It seems like a place I might be able to come to get some work done.”

“Thank you!” I exclaim. “Also, absolutely you should come work here. That would be amazing. I’ll totally give you the Wi-Fi password and won’t even make you buy anything to get it.”

Susie laughs.

“I love working here,” I continue. “We’ve been working on building up the business a bit more. Trying to bring in more customers.”

Susie glances around and takes in the customers spread out at tables and in couches. “Well it seems to be working,” she says, letting out a laugh. Then she turns to her brother. “Fin, did youneed anything?”

Her brother turns to look at us both. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.” His eyes find mine and hold them for a beat too long before he turns and walks out the door he just came through.

It looks like telling him to leave is my thing. Walking away is his.

What a horrible pair we make.

I look back at Susie and find her studying me. “What?”

“Do you like my brother?”

I let my head fall back and stare at the ceiling for a minute on a sigh. Then I look back at Susie.

“I don’t know how I feel about him. It’s kind of a fucking mess. And honestly, I don’t think it matters how I feel about him since he seems to not know what it is he wants.” I shrug. “In my experience, going after a man who treats you like you’re not worth it isn’t really the path you should take, you know? You should go after a guy that is just as enthusiastically going after you.”

She smiles at me then, sets Nell down and reaches over the counter and pulls me into another hug.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” she says, pulling back to look at me.

Though I don’t understand the jump from Fin to hugs and friendship, I give her a big shit-eating grin anyway. “Me too, girl. So much.”

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I put my car into drive and pull out of The Steam Room’s parking lot the following evening, trying to shake off the day.

The stressors of life have been a little frustrating recently. I’ve been feeling more tired after work than normal. Struggling to wrap up the day with the same energy I start it.

That’s never been an issue for me before. But damn if I’m not stupid wiped out by the end of a nine-hour shift.