Page 50 of Like You Want It

Carly lets out a small laugh, finally looking at me in the rearview mirror, her beautiful blues striking me in the chest.

“If you’re just taking stuff in, you can park on the grass or behind my car. No need to drive all the way down the street to find a space you have to pay for.” She pauses. “Thanks for the dance, Fin.”

And then she and Susie hop out, too.

I clutch the steering wheel and grit my teeth. That wasn’t what I’d hoped she was going to say. But what am I actually hoping for? Nothing is going to change, regardless of what comes out of either of our mouths.

I remain in the car, watching them hug and giggle and put Dina into the back of a black Honda Civic that’s idling at the curb.

This sudden urge to give in to my interest in Carly is incredibly unwelcome, especially when I was so adamantly against it just an hour ago. Clearly I need to learn to beat this shit back to where it came from. It’s just been too long since I’ve gotten laid, is all. And Carly is gorgeous, so it’s natural for me to be attracted.

I rub my face in my hands.

Let it go, man.

Once Dina’s gone and Susie and Carly are walking towards their building, I pull my car in further up the driveway, then make quick work of pulling the tables out and walking up to Susie’s door.

She opens it for me with a grin. “Thank you so much, Fin.” She takes the one in my right hand and carries it over to the side of her couch. “It’s gonna look so much better in here with some more furniture. Not so much like a bachelor pad, you know?”

I nod, setting the matching table down on the other end of the couch. “Well, mom and dad gave them to me a long time ago, and they’ve just been sitting in storage so…” I trail off, unsure how to tell her it isn’t a problem.

It isn’t, but saying so is awkward. Because the only reason she’s accepting free furniture from me is because she isn’t in a place to buy any for herself.

You know.

Since all of her money used to go to her boyfriend and to buying drugs. And now any extra she has goes towards paying restitution for the damage she caused when she stole a car and drove through someone’s house.

But I quickly push that thought aside. She’s trying. Hard. I can tell. So I don’t need to think about the shit that’s behind us.

“Where’s Carly?” And then I want to bite off my tongue.

Susie gives me a weird look. “At her apartment. Where she lives.”

I bob my head, keeping my mouth shut.

“Did she seem okay to you? At the end? I mean, normally she’s…” Susie pauses.

“Sunshine,” I supply.

Susie gives me that weird look again, but smiles in spite of it. “Yeah. She’s a ball of sunshine and happiness and she seemed a little sad at the end. Do you know if something happened?”

I feign ignorance. “Nah. Didn’t see anything. But look, I gotta head out. Just a reminder that tomorrow morning I’ll be here to pick you up, so plan to get on the road by eight.”

Our parents came to visit earlier this week and nearly broke my ear off begging to take Nell for a few days. I left the decision up to Susie, since even though I’m Nell’s guardian, having her daughter a few hours away is hard for her.

Susie agreed, and we’re gonna drive down tomorrow morning, spend a full Saturday with them, then head back in the evening.

Susie gets distracted enough by the mention of our trip and the fact she’ll get to spend a full day with Nell, and forgets her question about Carly.

She beams at me. “I know. I’m so excited.”

I smile at her, tug her in and kiss her temple. “Love you Suz. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I leave her place, preparing to head back to my SUV. I begin the list in my head of things I need to get done before we leave. Gas up the car. Pack a few things for Nell for the car ride back home.

There isn’t a speck inside of me that plans to walk to Carly’s door, that knocks, that has anything to say to her.

And yet that’s what I find myself doing. And as my knuckles rap against the dark blue door that I can tell she painted herself, I can’t seem to talk myself out of it. Can’t seem to force my mind to think over the reasons why I pushed away from her earlier.