Page 95 of Like You Want It

I think about it for a second. “Brooding, protecting your family, and looking sexy in water.”

He shakes his head at me, but that smile remains.

We spend the next hour working together, planning Susie’s birthday party, calling her family and Dina to make sure everyone can make it.

“So, we’ll playThe Outsiders,” Fin says, counting things off on his fingers. “Order pizza and have a popcorn machine. Are you sure Dina can find a cardboard cutout before then? Her birthday is in six days.”

I scoff. “Dina can find anything in just a few days. She’s a magician.”

“Alright. We’ll use my backyard. I have a speaker set, and I can borrow a projector and screen from my friend Blane.”

“And I’ll snag extra chairs from work. Lonnie will say it’s totally fine.”

“Awesome.” He looks at his watch. “Look, I’ve gotta go. I do actually have a meeting in Duarte in an hour. If you think of anything else, can you text me?”

I nod. “No problem.”

When he stands, he moves towards me like he’s going to give me a hug, but at the last moment, thinks better of it. Then he gives me a tight smile and heads for the door.

Maybe we aren’t on the same page. Maybe the sexual chemistry was all on my end.

“Hey, Carly?”

I turn at the sound of his voice, see him standing half way out the door.

“Thanks for caring about my sister. She doesn’t have a lot of people right now. So everyone counts. It means a lot.”

I blush and give him a nod. “She’s amazing.”

He smiles back. “I know. And I’m glad you’re around to help her remember.”

And then he gives me an awkward half wave and closes the door.

I stand staring at the spot he just vacated for at least thirty seconds, my brain foggy as to what exactly just happened. Did Fin and I justhang outwhile we planned his sister’s birthday party?

I shake my head. That might have been what happened, but there’s no need for me to sit around and examine it for anything deeper.

Deciding to get on with my day, I flip my Spotify app to my morning playlist, hook it up to my Bluetooth speaker, and play some Arianna Grande.

A quick shower so I don’t feel like I’m a stinky gross lady anymore, and then I slip into a comfy pair of leggings and a simple shirt.

Time to get into it.

The idea came to me when I was lying in bed a few months ago. I’d spent the evening messing around online, snooping through motivational quotes and random shit you buy from Amazon, when I found a really cute pack of encouragement cards.

I’d never heard of that before, so I clicked around enough until I found the maker’s website.

It was a graphic designer who made a range of paper products, all of which are sold at places like Target and Paper Source and Barnes and Noble. And Amazon, clearly.

And it was just a spark of an idea. Enough of a little voice that whisperedI wonder if I could do something like that.

I spent the rest of the night looking for people who make homemade cards and paper products, snooping around their websites and social media and Etsy.

My heart started to beat differently. It was this weird pace, almost erratic, and I realized it was fear. Fear of rejection before I’d even begun.

And it made me want to get up and punch a wall.

Because that’s not what I want for my life.