Page 21 of Like You Want It

I ignore him, holding up a second finger. “I have a great apartment…”

“That is still in your ex-boyfriend’s name even though you’ve been the one living there for five years, so not only are you lying on legal documents, you’re also not building up your own credit.”

My eyes flare. My nostrils flare. My fists clench. My jaw clenches. If I were a cartoon, I’d have steam billowing out of my ears and the top of my head would pop off like one of those old-timey train whistles.

But I soldier on, finger number three coming out.

“I love the flexibility I have to work at the gym.”

“Which is another instance of irresponsibility since you’re working two jobs that don’t pay you enough to live and don’t provide benef…”

“Hey!” I shout at him. Then lower my voice when I see his eyes flick quickly to the door.

As angry as he makes me, I’m still at his work.

“Hey,” I say again at a lower volume. “You can say all the nasty things you want about what a failure I’ve been and how ridiculous my life is. Butguess whatCaleb. It is still my life.Mylife. My fuckinglife.And to make me feel like everything I do is a waste or useless or irresponsible – when, let me be absolutely clear,I love my life– is really dick of you.”

I feel good once I’m done railing on him, though I’m sure I could have found a better ending thanis really dick of you.But that doesn’t matter. My point has been made.

And really, itwaspretty dick of him.

He sighs and raises his hands. “What do you want me to say, Carly?”

I stand up and grab my bag off the floor then turn back to look at him where he sits in his fancy chair in his nice office at his stupid school.

“I don’t want you to say anything.”

“Storming off doesn’t solve anything either,” he says to my back just as my hand reaches for the knob.

I pause. Try to think of what to say that will make him understand.

“I love you to death Caleb,” I finally say, turning around to face him. “You were my favorite person once. And then somehow, you started to treat me like everything I do is a catastrophe. Like every choice is a mistake or a disaster waiting to happen. I might not have everything perfectly planned out and organized like you do, but that doesn’t mean that the life I live is as worthless as you like to imply. I don’t know when it started or why, but the only way you get to keep on saying this stuff to me is if I allow you to. So go ahead and think on that. And decide whether shoving your opinions down my throat is worth giving up your sister.”

I can see those words hit their intended target as Caleb’s mouth goes slack and his eyes widen.

“I want a relationship with a brother who loves me. Not one who is constantly chopping me down and making me feel like I’m…” My eyes glass up. “Like I’m nothing. And that’s how you make me feel. Not all of the time. But enough that I’ve finally had enough. So think about that.”

My stomach pitches at the harsh words I’ve thrown at him, but they’re words that need to be said. Words he needs to hear.

I don’t want to spend any more time in a place where who I am, just as I am now, isn’t welcome.

So I leave.