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Abby

This morning, I’m working the shift with Mandy, and Larry has a day off. I’m heading to the restroom when Ve emerges from around the corner. I freeze.

“Hi, Abby.”

His silhouette is hunched, like a beaten dog’s. When I look into his eyes, I see pain and despair. It breaks my heart.

“Hi, Ve.”

“Can we talk?”

“Now?”

“I can drop by later if you want. Or I could catch a ride with you.”

I consider his proposition for a moment. I don’t have plans with Larry today.

“Okay. I’ll pick you up.”

Back at the store, I wonder what he wants to talk about. As closing time approaches, I become increasingly tense. When the clock shows nine and the last customers leave, I get ready to leave.

“I’ve handled all the stuff, Mandy. Everything is sorted by size, and the store is fully stocked. The morning team just needs to clean up. Can I go?”

“Yes, Abigail. See you the day after tomorrow.”

“See you.” I peck her on the cheek and head out from the back to the parking lot to my car.

As I pull up to the back of the store where Ve works, I’m shaking all over. What am I so stressed out about?

After ten minutes, the whole crew comes out. Ve bids them farewell. The blonde is also there. She hangs on him and kisses his cheek. Ve also says goodbye to a petite girl and gets into my car.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Ve. What did you want to talk about?”

“I heard you’re always with that Larry, that you stay overnight.”

“You heard, or are you following me?”

“Doesn’t matter. I want to know if it’s true.”

That question kills me. I don’t know what I should tell him.

“Yes, sometimes I stay.”

“So, are you fucking him?”

“No, Ve, we’re watching movies. I don’t like being alone at home. I just need a change of scenery, a different way to spend my free time,” I respond a bit angrily to cut off the subject.

I don’t know if I’ll ever confess to him what I really did, staying overnight with Larry. Fortunately, he probably prefers to believe what I said is true.

“Are you falling for him?”

I ponder the question for a moment. After a while, I decide that I might indeed feel something. I like him more than a lot. I don’t know how to describe this feeling yet, but it’s definitely more than friendship.

“Ve…”

“Answer me, I need to know.”

My eyes linger on his face. His leg is shaking in a nervous rhythm, and he clenches his jaw tightly. He’s going through immense stress.

“Did you tell him you love him?”

“Not yet,” I reply, and I hear him exhale. I guess he held his breath the whole time. Damn, why is this important to him now? Where was he when I needed him? “But why do you care, anyway? You keep letting that blonde bitch fondle you all the time. It doesn’t seem to bother you, so what do you want from me?”

“I don’t know, I just want to know if it’s something serious.”

“I don’t have an answer to that question.”

I know that what’s between me and Larry will never be as deep and intense as what connected and still connects me to Ve. I can’t tell him that, of course.

Since our last conversation, I’ve been avoiding Ve as much as I can. I manage to do so for quite some time. Initially, this might seem unrealistic, considering that we work just a few stores apart. While taking a smoke break, I run into a guy who works with Ve. I got to know him when Ve and I were still together, and I liked him immediately. Patrick seems okay.

“Hey, Abbs.”

“Hey, Patrick, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing, just a break.”

“How is he?” I ask hesitantly.

“He’s doing better, I guess. He’s seeing this girl. She’s been picking him up for the past few days.”

What the fuck?! That can’t be right. WTF?! Who is this girl? Where the fuck did she come from?!

“Uh, what? Where did he meet her?”

“We’ve been to a few parties; she’s an acquaintance of a friend. She’s really into Ve. The thing is, she lives in London. She’s trying to convince Ve to move there with her.”

I feel my heart momentarily stop. I need to sit down. I feel sick. I try not to let it show. Patrick seems not to notice, lost in thought about something.

“And Ve, what does he think about it?”

“You’d have to ask him, but from what I know, he’s considering it. I got to run, shorty.”

As soon as he disappears behind the door, I bend over. I can’t breathe.

I need to pull myself together. My break is almost over, but I’m still trying to calm down and catch my breath. I hear the sound of opening doors and wonder for a moment if Patrick forgot something. There’s nothing that could belong to him around. Ve’s silhouette appears from the direction Patrick went. I have nowhere to escape.

“Gail? Are you on a break?”

“Yeah, I’m just finishing.”

“Is everything okay?”

He jogs over to me, seeing my state. He knows me, knows what this means. For some reason, I can’t breathe. He supports me and leads me to a bench. As soon as his hands land on my skin, my pulse immediately quickens, and a current shoots through my entire body. All the wonderful moments flash through my mind. I feel nauseous and lean over to make breathing easier. I feel like I have to put an end to my suffering.

“Ve, are you dating someone?” I ask, looking at him, wanting to see his reaction.

“Why do you ask?”

“Don’t answer a question with a question.”

It’s always irritated me. Stalling to come up with an answer. He’s been doing it since I remember.

“Maybe.”

“Is it serious?”

“You know what, I don’t know if I want to talk about it. But if you must know, we met a while ago. She’s a friend of Vincent, the one I work with, the one you didn’t like.”

I knew he was a scumbag.

“And are you considering moving with her? That sounds serious.”

“Where did you get that information?”

“Irrelevant. Is it true or not?”

“Yes, it crossed my mind. She told me she fell in love with me and suggested I move with her. I could start anew in a different place.”

“How could she tell you she loves you?! How long have you known each other? This is crazy! Unless you’ve been bullshitting me since much earlier.”

“No, Abby, I haven’t. We’ve known each other for a few weeks. I can’t control what she feels or thinks.”

“How about you? What do you feel?”

“What does it matter to you? You love Larry, right? Have you told him?”

I’m not going to answer that question. I did blurt out in front of Larry that I might love him, but it was in a moment of euphoria. I felt nice, important. I don’t think I could say it again.

“You’re silent, so it’s true. Damn, Abigail, seriously?”

“I don’t feel like having this conversation. I already feel bad enough.”

I get up and almost run towards the entrance. I don’t even look back.

I’m the worst! I have no right to be upset with him after what I’m doing with Larry. I hate myself even more for what I feel. I can’t bear the thought that anyone could have touched him. And if he feels the same way, it means that when he finds out the truth, he’ll be disgusted with me, he’ll hate me more than he loved me. I’ll go crazy from the flood of thoughts constantly assaulting my head and from the emotions overpowering my body.