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Abby

The day of the trip has come. I didn’t sleep at all during the night. Mom came over to drive me to the gathering point so Ve couldn’t stay overnight. I already miss him badly.

I get up at six and wash up quickly. Normally I’d be excited as hell, but this time I feel no enthusiasm for the camp. I’m stressed. Ivy is in a similar situation, so we’ll keep each other’s spirits up.

Quarter past seven. Ve knocks on the door. He’s come for me. We go toward the church together but never reach it. We take a seat on a bench in the park. I wanted to spend some more time with him, one on one, before I went. My heart is hammering in my chest. The hour passes too quickly. We’re leaving in a while, and I need to get back home. Ve walks me to the door. In the elevator he kisses me so hard it nearly hurts; our tongues are unable to break their melancholic dance. He assaults me so forcefully and passionately, when the lift stops and we pull away from each other, my lips are swollen. He faces me and I look into his eyes—they’re filled with love, sincerity. So real. A mirror for the soul. They’re glazed over now. He must really love me. He’s afraid for me and will miss me, but he will never own up to it. Men. Seeing him in that state makes me want to burst out in tears too. He gives me another hug by the door and says the words that make a flood of tears run down my cheeks.

“Do what you want. Regret nothing.”

He vanishes in the elevator, leaving me completely wrecked. I feel horrible.

Come now. Chin up! You’ll survive! There’s no reason to cry. It’ll do him some good to spend some time alone. He’ll miss you and get involved even more, my internal voice reasons. It’s brutally honest, as usual. I wipe away the tears and enter the apartment.

“Everything alright?” Mom misses nothing.

“Yes, Mom, I’ll just miss him a lot,” I confess.

“I understand. If he’s the one, everything will be okay, honey. I love you. Have a good time. And remember, you’re only seventeen. You have your entire life ahead of you.”

She always knows what to say—my wise, wonderful mother. It’s just that I want him to be the one so bad! I wouldn’t survive us breaking up. That would kill me.

We go downstairs. Vicky and her mom are waiting for us.

“Ready, babe?” My friend kisses me in greeting.

“Sure thing!”

We take the back seats in the bus, of course. There’s me, Ivy, Vicky, and Iris.

Time to go. In Austria, the boys buy alcohol. Before we pass the next border, they’re totally hammered. The camp counselors notice, and it gets ugly. But that’s okay. They order the coach to stop and we can slip away unseen and have a smoke or two.

Around midnight, the bus descends into complete silence. Everyone is deep asleep. Only a couple headrest TV sets buzz with the sounds of comedy flicks. Ivy and I are talking about love. It takes us until three in the morning. The conclusions? Not too optimistic. If we’re already dying of wistfulness, how are we supposed to survive a full fourteen days?! At some point, there’s nothing more to be said. Snuggling Ve’s T-shirt, I fall asleep.

Finally, we reach a stop in France, where we’re about to spend the night. I can finally take a shower and sleep in a real bed like normal human being. We’re sore all over from the long trip. In the evening, the boys come to our room, carrying specially prepared cocktails. They want us to drink with them, but Ivy and I politely refuse. Vicks and Iris decide that if we’re not up for it, neither are they. The boys are clearly disappointed, but they don’t press the issue. I can’t do it. I promised. Even if Ve would never know, I’d be a disappointment to myself.

Throughout the night, we make fun of Sonia. What a star! Acting like she’s Barbie. The way she moves makes her look like a parody of catwalk models. She wanted to act the smartass at first, but she soon learned she didn’t stand a chance against us. Funny little bitch. I wonder where they come from. What drives them? A typical blonde. Shocking. I had no idea she was coming. I’ve known her for years from school and the projects.

It’s four in the morning. We get up. We’re about to continue the ride in an hour. A quick shower, lashes, hair—okay, ready. Suddenly, a phone ringing. It’s mine. Several texts. Ted and Myro. I read them and have a heart attack. I can literally feel the blood draining from my limbs. My vision swims, my heart is hammering like crazy. Ivy is instantly at my side.

“What’s happening, Abby?”

“What’s wrong, Abbs?” Vicky asks, appearing right next to her.

I can’t talk. I hand them the phone so they can read for themselves. The words are still spinning in my head, making me mad with terror.

Ve had his jaw dislocated. He lost a tooth and has a black eye. He can’t speak.

“Jesus, what did he do this time? What happened?” Ivy is equally tense.

“Don’t you worry. As soon as we stop, we’ll buy a phone card and you’ll call them,” Vicks says, trying to console me.

I don’t even know how we end up in the bus. Some time later, we reach the next stop. Ivy shakes me out of my stupor.

“Come on, Abby. Let’s go buy that phone card.”

“Okay. But you do it, Ivy, right?”

“You know I hate it.” She tries resisting.

“But we’re in France, and you’re the only one who can speak French!”

“Please, Abby, do it yourself.”

Fuck that. Every time the same story. I buy the card and call Connor’s house. Nobody picks up. I dial Myro. He picks up instantly.

“What the fuck happened, Myro? Talk to me! Details, please. I have little time!” I yell into the receiver.

“Listen. Ve was at his buddy’s at the West estate. He was walking back home alone and a couple of fuckers took issue with him.”

“Jesus! How’s he feeling?”

“Better now. Ted was with him. They set his jaw. Don’t worry,” Myro says soothingly.

“Thank you. Please tell him I miss him a lot. And that I’ll call him. Just don’t mix anything up. Tell him to let me know as soon as he’s able to talk normally.”

I calm down a bit. Ivy calls Lucas. I wait by the phone booth.

We pass the rest of the way to Spain in lousy moods. Each one of us stays in her own world, absentminded.