Page 57

Abby

After the wonderful weekend, it’s time to return to drab reality. It’s a necessary evil. I couldn’t wait until school ended. Monday wasn’t so bad, it turned out, as Ve was waiting for me. We went straight to his. He took me to his room. He tried putting a hand down my pants, but I didn’t let him. I don’t like doing it when I haven’t freshened up after the day. Of course that offended him. I tried touching him later, but he didn’t let me. He said he wasn’t in the mood. And we were back to square one. I really think that we can only be happy when we’re together alone in our secure bubble. Whenever any interruption appears, things that break our focus like school, friends, or parents, that’s when idiotic issues arise. I don’t understand it.

I leave his house and go to extracurricular sports classes. I’m on a volleyball team. I love it! The training session ends. Camille and I wait for the bus. She’s my class and teammate. It doesn’t come, so we move to another bus stop, by Nikki’s house. Nothing comes there either. We finally decide to walk home. The walk is refreshing. We reach the Paris Estate, one stop before ours. The two places are divided by a large forest and a park. That’s where we finally catch the bus. Lucky. I wouldn’t want to cross the woods at night. Sometimes I’m scared to go there even during the day. After sundown, it’s even more terrifying. It’s full of lunatics and perverts. I once saw a guy jerking off behind a bush when he saw me and Victoria. And it was noon. Disgusting.

As soon as I pass the door, I’m greeted by my father’s roar.

“Where the hell have you been? You need to study! No more meetings with your friend during the week.”

“What’s your problem? I was at volleyball practice! And he’s not my friend. You’ve got to accept that he’s my boyfriend! I’ll meet him whenever I want, and if you don’t let me, I’ll find a way to do it without you knowing! Think what would be worse!” I spit and slam the door shut behind me. I cut myself off from all the shitty energy buzzing through the rest of the house.

He can’t make me do anything. I hate being separated from Ve, even for a day. The more things Dad bans me from, the more I’ll break the rules. And I hate lying. But the truth doesn’t seem to be enough for them. At least he didn’t follow me here. I can hear him going to the balcony for a smoke.

Today, Dad comes over and gives me money. I shoot him a glance and mutter, “I don’t want it, thanks.”

I’m not in the mood for one of his games. He thinks he can yell at me and then pretend nothing happened. Well, shove that cash up your ass, old man. Yeah, I’m terrible. I do have a temper, what can I say? I just don’t know who I got it from.

Ve isn’t calling. Each time I call him, one of his siblings picks up and tells me Connor isn’t home. It’s hard, being with someone.

After a good day at school—I got a B in physics and an A in German—I dial Ve’s landline number for what feels like the hundredth time. This time I catch him.

“What’s up with you, Connor?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re still sulking? Will you come over today? Want to see me?”

“I got expelled from school. I have to see the principal with my old man.”

“Why?” That’s surprising.

“I talked back at the priest. He got under my skin and I got carried away.”

I’m going to go crazy with this man. What now? His dad should help him.

I meet Lizzy on the way.

“Hey, darling!”

She waves at me and crosses the street. I give her a hug and a kiss.

“Are you alright, Abigail?”

“Sure, why do you ask?”

“I met with Alice and she mentioned you not being with Connor anymore.”

“What? Where did that come from?”

“Not the faintest idea. I told her that from what I knew, you were still together and everything is good.”

“Did you ask her where she heard it?”

“Yes. She told me he told people that was the case.”

Sadness overcomes me at those words. That would explain my doubts and that strange feeling inside that something is wrong. Only why did Ve say that?

I can barely continue on my way after hearing what I heard. These things suck the life out of me. What should I think about this? I’d give a lot to know all the secrets Connor Wilson is hiding! Each rumor has a grain of truth in it.

At home, Mom asks me to apologize to Dad. That devastates me even more.

“Okay, I’ll do it, but know that I think I have nothing to apologize for.” I roll my eyes at the very thought. It’s ridiculous.

I go to see Ve in the afternoon, intending to ask him all about that supposed breakup.

“Shit, Abbs, you really believe what that cocksucker babbles? I fucking hate that girl. Maybe she’s jealous. I have no idea.” He bristles.

“I want to believe you, Connor. When we’re alone, it’s fantastic and I trust you fully. But as soon as we split up, there’s always something that hits my self-confidence so hard. All my demons surface. You made some sleep, but stuff like that makes them wake up all over again. It’s messing with my head.”

He says nothing, but his expression tells me he’s thinking about something intensely.

“I’ve got something for you.”

“Really?” I sit up and look at him.

He gets up, rummages in his closet, and offers me a package.

“Open it.”

I tug at the strings and unwrap it. There’s a beautiful blue and beige sweater inside.

“It’s gorgeous. Thank you, Ve.” I fall into his arms.

“Try it on.”

I put the thing on. Static electricity makes my hair stand on end, sticking out in all directions.

“It’s perfect. You look beautiful.”

I smile and hug him. It’s so sweet.

We’re sitting on the bed, watching TV. A trailer for some comedy flick is on.

“Look, guys also shave down there,” he says.

“I heard. That’s why I want to watch the movie,” I reply without thinking.

“I’m not enough for you?!” he cries. Meanwhile, I slap myself in my head for broaching the subject. Here we go again.

“Ve, it’s not what I said. What does a film have to do with us?”

“You know, Abigail, it’s been weird with you lately. You tell me you want to be with me forever, but I think that’s not true. I think I’m not the one for you. I’m not enough.”

The words cut deeply. I can’t pull myself together.

“I don’t know what makes you feel that, Ve. Really. Maybe you misinterpret my intentions because of your own beliefs about yourself. I react like that too sometimes, but that has nothing to do with the truth.”

He looks at me for a while.

“Maybe you’re right.” He ends the conversation.

Maybe it’s because I have my doubts as to what’s really good for me. Maybe he’s sensing it? The bad energy. There has to be something to it, only is that even possible? But I never see him as not enough for me. On the contrary. Sometimes his behavior does push me away, though. In those moments, I subconsciously lock up, trying to protect myself from getting hurt.