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Abby

Today I find out that next week, on Friday after work, I have to go to a company Christmas get-together organized by the headquarters for all the stores in the network. Larry and I are currently cleaning the fitting room before the store opens. We are the only ones on the morning shift. I didn’t realize it before, but I often either close or open with him.

“Larry, what’s that work Christmas party going to be like?”

“Dinner, babe, then a big party.”

“Do I have to go to that?”

“Theoretically, there’s no obligation.” As he says this, he comes closer and pins me against the fitting room mirror, pretending he wants to clean it. Strangely, my heart speeds up. It’s a bit exciting, I must say. He leans in so that our lips are literally inches apart, and in an overly sexy voice, he adds, “But I would really like you to be there. God, you have such great lips.”

“Larry!” I slap his arm and walk past him. “Stop teasing.”

“I’m not teasing. I really like you. It’s a shame you’re taken.”

“I am, and that won’t change,” I retort.

I feel weird. So far, only Connor could evoke such reactions in me. But the way Larry confidently tries to flirt with me is starting to turn me on a bit. Besides, he’s older, and there’s a shadow of a chance that he’s over all those childish whims. Get a grip! my subconscious screams, bringing me back to reality. Right. What am I doing? I love Ve. I can’t let anyone hit on me. My reaction gives me pangs of conscience.

When I analyze Larry’s behavior, I do find situations where he supposedly accidentally grabbed my hand or lingered too long on greetings, getting closer to my lips. I need to be careful. I know I’m more susceptible to sweet talk now, and I crave attention. I’m like a moth, flying to the light in search of a sense of being important to someone.

I wonder for a minute what to wear for the work Christmas party. Mandy told me she’d lend me her coat. During the break, I go to tell Ve that I’ll probably have to attend this event. I’m on probation, so I can’t skip it; it might be poorly received. Besides, the regional manager doesn’t like me, and she’ll be there too. I don’t want to go to this party. I don’t know how Ve will react. I meet him by a bench at the back of his store.

“What’s up, babe?” He comes out and sits next to me, giving me a fleeting kiss.

“Listen, they’re organizing some kind of company Christmas party for all the stores in the region. Everyone has to be there. It’s new for me. I don’t know how to behave because I’ve never had to choose between what I can, what I should, and what I have to do.”

“And where is it?”

“There’s dinner at some restaurant, and then a party.”

“I don’t like that idea.”

“I thought so, but I don’t have much choice.”

I can see that he’s angry, his whole jaw is tense.

“They’re also organizing a Christmas party at my job, but only for the single store. I don’t know where, probably around here. Just a dinner after work.” In my head, I can already see the blondie trying to charm my Ve. “I’m going back. See you at home.”

“You’re finishing early today, right?”

“Yes,” he replies and gets up, disappearing behind the door.

I stop in front of the apartment door, planning to go to Mandy’s in a moment. I’m about to turn the key in the lock, but Ve opens the door for me. Romantic music flows from inside, and candles are scattered all over the hallway. He has never done something like this for me before. I don’t know how to behave; I’m battling with myself. My inner control freak is wrestling with the version of me who always dreamed of someone doing something as romantic as in the movies. Did he think everything through? I try not to show my internal struggle and to be nice, but it’s so strong! I hate it when I have something planned, and suddenly everything falls apart unexpectedly. Yeah, I know, I’m messed up.

Ve draws closer and takes my hand.

“Darling, I did all this for you to show how important you are to me. I prepared dinner. But first, a bath. Come on.” He leads me along.

He takes off my jacket and the rest of my clothes and heads to the bathroom. The scene is like something from Hollywood. Candles are everywhere, and rose petals are scattered on the floor and in the tub. It looks magical. I get into the bath, and Ve steps out for a moment, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I need to call Mandy and tell her that I’ll be late.

When he returns, it is with a glass of red wine. Okay, I can walk to Mandy’s, I think. But it’s so fucking freezing outside! I drink a mouthful. I’m struggling with myself, and Ve notices.

“Something on your mind?”

“I have plans with Mandy. I have to go to her right away.”

“Okay then. We’ll go. No problem.”

“Get me my phone. I’ll reschedule.”

“Okay, but first, let me give you a massage. You must be exhausted after the day and could use something relaxing.”

He pushes back my hair, which has slipped out from the hastily tied bun and now clings to my wet neck. He places his wonderful hands on my neck and massages it softly. It’s blissful. He kisses me on the lips, gets up, and leaves the bathroom. I feel there’s something going on. If he had behaved like this when things were great between us, I would have been thrilled, but in the current situation, it’s either a desperate attempt to stop me and show that he’s not ignoring me at all, or he messed up and is trying to make amends and clear his conscience. Or he’s afraid of this party and is starting to make an effort again. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Anyway, something feels off, but I guess I want to give us this chance. He made an effort, and it’s genuinely nice.

Ve returns with my phone, hands it to me, and I text Mandy that I’ll come to hers tomorrow evening after work because something came up today.

“Care to join me, Ve?”

I put the phone down, stand up, and pull him closer by his shirt, giving him a hug and making him all wet in the process. He throws off his clothes and steps into the bath.

Today, I have the afternoon shift. I start at two. Ve has been at work since the morning, so I decide to visit him on my way. I enter the store where he works and survey the interior. It’s empty. However, I can clearly hear strange laughter from the end of the store. I approach, and as I emerge from behind the last shelf, I see my Ve with that fucking skank blonde hanging on his arm. Ve doesn’t see me, but she does. My gaze must be deadly because she immediately steps aside and disappears in the back. Ve turns towards me.

“Hey there, honey bear.”

“What the fuck are you going on about? That’s what you do at work?! Why the fuck was that bitch hanging onto you? How the fucking hell can you allow that?!”

“Jesus, Abby, it was nothing.”

“Sure, goddamnit, maybe for you. Because if she could, she’d have spread her legs for you! Unless she did that already. Fuck!”

I spin on my heel, but Ve grabs me by the wrist.

“Wait.”

“Listen up: if she puts her filthy hands on you one more time, I swear I’ll fucking break them.”

“You’re overreacting, Abby.”

“Okay, then I am overreacting. See you around.”

On my way to my store, I decide to walk outside and smoke. Larry’s there, sitting on a bench and smoking too.

“Hey there, babe. What’s with the pouting face?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“It definitely is. Especially since you’re usually a volcano of energy and joy. Sit down.” He pats the space next to him.

I don’t feel like talking. I finish my cigarette, and we go inside. I change, put on my badge, and enter the store.

I remain stubbornly silent at home. Connor is pretending like nothing happened. I wonder if he’s fucking her in the back room. I hate that feeling. It’s overwhelming. My thoughts are so intrusive, I’m seriously starting to treat them as the truth. This day was a mess.

In the evening, Ve tries to make love to me, but I’m not in the mood. For the first time since we have known each other.

“What’s the matter with you, lying there like a plank? That’s bullshit.”

“Excuse me?

“You’re lying like a plank, I said.”

“You know what? Leave me alone.”

I pull away, cover myself, and try to sleep. Maybe it’s those thoughts that make me so disgusted, but I can’t fight them. I do fall asleep finally, but only with the greatest effort.