Page 36

Abby

Today, there’s a holiday in town. There’s going to be a big party with fireworks at night. Around half past three I go grab Ve. Then we walk to meet Myro. I drink too much.

“Let’s go to the park. I think I need some fresh air,” I suggest weakly.

I love walking with Ve, feeling that wonderful, warm hand of his in mine. Jesus, I really am crazy in love, aren’t I?

We meet Ivy and Lucas, Vicks, Nikki, and Mandy at the park. But the walk does nothing to improve my state. I don’t feel better. So we walk deeper into the forest and find a secluded clearing. Ve spreads his hoodie on the ground and sits down, gesturing for me to join him. I lie down next to him.

“I’ll just close my eyes for a moment,” I say.

“Sure thing, sweetheart. I’ll be right here.”

Sleep comes at once. It doesn’t last long, but enough for me to feel better when I open my eyes again. Ve is watching me. I’ve been sensing a kind of unease from him since I came back. He’s hiding something.

“Have I been sleeping long?”

“Not even half an hour. You feeling better?” he asks with concern.

“A lot, thanks. I just need to drink something.’

“I’ll go grab something for you. Does a cold beer sound good?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

After the fireworks, we head home. There’s a growing tension between us. I can’t take it anymore. I ask, “Is there something bothering you? Want to tell me something?”

He glances at me, surprised.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Connor, but it’s different. What’s happening? You’re here, but it’s as if you aren’t. Please, don’t keep me hanging here. Tell me what’s the matter.”

“To be honest, I’ve been waiting for you to tell me.”

What? What am I supposed to tell him?

“I’m not sure if I understand…”

“Tell me, Abby, did you have fun on your trip?”

“No, not really. Why are you asking?” My stomach cramps.

“Did you keep your word?”

“Of course I did. I didn’t drink.”

“Alright.”

“What’s going on, Connor?”

“You sure you did nothing bad?”

“Nothing besides hugging your shirt, smoking cigarettes, and worrying about your health and our relationship with all those texts I was getting. And I swam topless with the girls once. I did nothing else!”

That’s when a thought hits me. It rams right into me and nearly topples me. Goddamnit! I did smoke weed once. Shit, he knows! I don’t know how… Probably Sonia, the fucking snitch! Anyway, that doesn’t matter. He knows and wants to hear it from me. Shit, what do I do now? Ve keeps silent, but he sees the rising fear in my eyes.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

“I just remembered something…”

“Yes?”

“You see… I smoked weed…”

I can hear him sucking in air. He lets go of my hand.

“Are you mad?” I ask uncertainly.

“So it’s the truth! Fuck!” he cries. “Fucking hell, I didn’t want to believe when I heard it! How could you?!”

He throws his arms in the air as if trying to shed all the energy he’s been accumulating for days. I never thought he’d be so angry about something like that.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be mad…”

It didn’t even cross my mind, but considering the circumstances I know now that it was stupid.

Ve faces me with a grave expression. His stare is ice-cold and piercing. It’s burning a hole in my heart. He’s more than mad. I’ve never seen him like that.

“I didn’t feel a thing. I don’t get what people see in it. I took a couple drags, and that was that.” My every word is making things worse. I trail off.

“Fucking hell! You promise you won’t drink, and then you go and smoke? Are you out of your fucking mind? What kind of irresponsible shit is that supposed to be!? You had no idea how your body would react, and you smoked with people you didn’t even know?!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m done with you, girl.”

He leaves me by the block, shaking with emotion. Something rips me to shreds from the inside. It burns. What now? I think I’m going to die. I have no idea what to do.

As soon as I go inside, another attack comes.

“It’s late! You’re late!” Dad bellows. “Pack your things, we’re going to Daisy Valley.”

I’m getting hysterical. No! Not now! Fuck that! I need to fix what I ruined. If I go now, it’s going to be the end. Desperate, I do something I regret instantly. I’m a horrible person, but I have no other choice. I text Mom:

Mom, if Dad makes me go now, I’ll run away! You can’t make me go there. I have business here. I can’t go, please, understand that. Do something or I’ll go mad!

Mom calls me back after an instant.

“What’s going on?” She listens to my story and says: “Go talk to your father.”

“No, Mom, I can’t talk to him. I just messed up and need to fix things. I can’t go. Please, believe me,” I plead.

“Alright.”

She hangs up, and I hear her calling Dad. I made it! He lets me stay, leaving me with a curt “act responsibly”. Then he takes his things and leaves. I hear him turning the key in the lock and going to the elevator. I have no idea where to start. I call Vicks. She’s at my door a couple minutes later.

“Let it go, Abby. Give him time. Let him sleep on it. Did you apologize?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“You can’t do more than that at this point.”

“But maybe if we went there…”

“No!” she cuts in. “You won’t make things better now. It’s only going to make it worse.”

I really don’t want to listen to her, but somewhere deep down I know she’s right.

I wake up in the morning. My heart is bleeding. You’re such an idiot! my subconscious says. I tell it to shut up. The only thing it does is to nod its head. Now I know why he was so cold over the phone when I called him from Spain. That was the same day I had that smoke. He must have known.

How to make this right? I was going to go to the bar with the girls today, but that’s a stupid idea. I let it go and spend the entire day at home. I don’t call Ve. I really want to, but I can’t. I decide to isolate myself from everyone and everything and go to him first thing in the morning tomorrow.